Head Vs. Heart

How often do you do things instinctively, listening to your ‘gut feelings’? If you ask me, I don’t think I will have too many occasions to mention, as I am not really an impetuous woman, and don’t follow my heart much. The reason is that I am a bit too conscious of the outcome, and that makes me ignore my heart and ‘listen to my brain’. To put plainly, ‘rational’ thoughts often override the immediate ‘gut feelings’.

There were many occasions in my life, when I really wanted ‘to go with my heart’. But, let me confess that I’ve hardly had the courage for doing that, because, my mind often kept cautioning me about the possible “what ifs” & the probable embarrassing social faux pas that I may face, thus making me choose the ‘cautious’ side, because I really don’t have the courage to make ‘mindful mistakes’. Whenever I want to take-up what my heart says, my head would keep pulling me from behind, and I would start moving to the logic and rationale side, leaving away what my heart’s response. By the time my thoughts move to action, I often end-up thinking more than I should, thus draining away all the energy that I have for the day.

To be frank, being premeditative is not something bad, as it’s always good to look carefully before you leap. But, what’s the fun in conscious decisions and too much calculated actions? I think life is worth taking some ‘small and medium sized’ risks, by trusting my gut feelings and focusing what my mind says, but unfortunately don't feel courageous enough most of the times. As always, the wise and practical side would overpower the impulsive, reminding me about the possible consequences of my actions.

I am not taking about any of those life changing and life threatening situations, but about the “less dangerous” ones that we face daily, where we can liberally forget our “what if I look foolish” fear. I am waiting for the day my heart would furiously takes the lead against my head, winning at least one match, winning it on a solid grounding, playing a fair game. So when will it be “that day”? I don’t want to get absolutely torn between the head and the heart, as, the ‘sensible side’ is to listen to my heart, whereas the ‘human side’ is to listen to my heart. All I just want is to know how it would be, if I follow my heart.

Read and comment, but with dignity

When it comes to reading my blog, many people have been really ‘generous’ to me, right from the very day I started writing. Be it discrepancies, spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, or repetition of ideas, they have always taken time to let me know where I've wrong, thus helping me make my blog better day by day.  But one among the comments that I got last week was a bit too disappointing that it took me no time to trash it from my inbox. With an offensive and sexual undertone, the reader showed me the right example of how people can really stoop down to the lowest level possible, for absolutely no fault of mine.   The comment had nothing to do with the post I had written, and was in no way related to the theme of my blog.  For a moment, I was a bit upset and heartbroken reading the comment, and the next moment I looked at the hilarious side of it and laughed my head off!  A totally ‘non-adult’ & independent post my ‘big-hearted’ reader horny, and that is ‘big’ news for me! I felt I should be really happy about my writing skills, rather than getting upset about a comment from a moron who was busy jacking off, rather than reading my blog.

Be it mine or someone else’s article/blog, reading carefully & commenting on it is something really wonderful, as it helps the writer know how others take-in her ideas, and how she should tailor her ideas and writing style, to make the upcoming posts better and interesting. I’ve always welcomed both good comments and criticisms whole heartedly, and have tried my best to correct myself, and write better posts next time.  However, by giving an unrelated, offensive, crude, or vulgar comment, no one would cut a heroic figure, but may rather make a fool of them, with their crude and disrespectful lingo.  Comment with dignity & I would love to hear from you all, but don’t stoop down to the level of a gigolo!

My love-hate relationship with cameras

I don’t even remember the first time someone took my photograph. I was hardly one year old, and by looking at that photograph now, I am sure that I might have enjoyed the whole session, looking at my dad and smiling at him non-stop.   But growing up, I didn’t have much inclination towards camera, and always felt a bit too embarrassed whenever someone took my photo.  I couldn’t stand to have my photograph taken, and used to find some really ridiculous measures to avoid it, like crying loudly in public.  Call it inferiority complex or lack of confidence, I don’t mind the way you may define my behaviour, but I always used to get literally frozen, the moment I see a camera in front of me, and have broken down to tears on many occasions, in order to avoid photographers, especially in parties and wedding functions. I still remember the day my mom’ sister got married. I think I was about five or six years old then. After a lot of vain efforts, the photographer approached my dad, to help him get a few pictures of mine.  Perhaps, he felt that I may happily smile when my dad is around, but I proved him wrong, and cried non-stop for about an hour, and finally, my dad was literally forced to take me out of the venue for some time, in order to pacify me and make me come back to ‘sense’.

After a few years, there were a few more similar attempts from my family and friends, but I literally freaked out at them, growling & shouting my lungs out, because, I knew very well that I would get 'paralysed’ seeing a camera in-front of me.  I guess those were perhaps the last resolute attempts to click my pictures. I think even my dad gave up since then, and never forced me to be a part any photograph. I felt as if I got rid of a really huge problem that I had for such a long time, because, later on, no one even bothered to call me while clicking pictures, as they knew very well that the ‘worst’ would happen if someone tries to take my photographs.  My happiness knew no bounds when I successfully got rid of all the possible chances of getting photographed.

After years of dealing with my ‘fear’, I’ve come a long way from the ‘struggling’ childhood days, and have started ‘loving’ cameras. But looking back, I think I can relate my ’fear’ to some of the random comments about my looks, that I used to hear since childhood. A little girl with curly hair, dark complexion, and full lips, I was often called the ‘Afro’ looking.  Did that kill my spirits? Not sure! By now, when all my cousins have lots of pictures from the various stages of their life, very neatly arranged in their album, I hardly have a few, to get a recap of the bygone days.  Other than the group photographs of school and college days, which I couldn't avoid, our album will hardly have a very few photographs of mine, because they were all clicked without my notice. Strange, but true! All thanks to my ‘phobia’!

The reasons why the writer in me gets stuck-up at times

It’s almost three months since wrote something on by blog. To be frank, long breaks like this started happening ever since I began handling multiple profiles at the same time, writing content, doing site audits, SEO, Social Media Marketing, and so many other things, apart from taking time to read and understand the innovations in industry technologies, changes in the world of SEO, and the advancements in Google algos. Oh, boy! They are all very interesting and I love doing them, but gets a bit tougher when they all come together, and I truly long-for 25-26 hours per day, to do all my tasks flawlessly. By flawlessly I don’t mean that I am not doing things perfectly right now. Yes, I try my best to do things faultlessly within the scheduled time, but, ‘perfect’ for me means satisfying me completely, to the very 100%,  which I don’t get at times (to be frank).  In spite of all these, I've always wanted to write some interesting daily activities and thoughts, and have always wanted to share them with the ‘limited’, yet very generous readers of my blog.  But, by the time I finish my work, and reach my hostel, I would not have the creative mind or the patience to note them down in the way I want, mainly because I am a bit too obsessed with perfectionism, and hate seeing a post that doesn't appear good to me. Moreover, when it comes to writing something for my blog, I really do think too much about what I am writing down, which kind of paralyzes, and stops me from jotting down some good ideas that I have in mind. Tiredness and strained tranquility to think about a topic for my blog, I would end up getting lazy, postponing blogging every day; and here ends three months since I last wrote something.

Yes, I very well know that all these cannot be counted as an excuse for killing my writing skills, as there are many others out there, juggling really hard every day, and yet taking time to write some wonderful blog posts that we all love to read and enjoy. Even I never miss such posts and always keep wondering how they manage to do this amid all the hectic schedules that they have every day.  In fact, I had actually tried writing quite a few posts in the past three months, and left all of them half the way, thinking they may turnout nonsensical, and people who read may poke fun at me for writing such stupid posts that don’t have any relevance at all. To put it shortly, I have wasted pretty good time looking for ‘no-nonsensical’ topics, and ended up doing nothing for such a long time! Or rather, the urge for perfectionism overpowered me completely, and added to that was a little bit of laziness or a kind of feeling that I get really too tired to write something after my office hours. So I just thought I should do something very quickly, or at least share this as a post, and drive-away the ‘writer’s worry’ out of my mind, and try my best to be consistent hereafter, by posting something regularly on my blog.

So, longing for spontaneity in ideas that can help me in the coming days, I am signing off for now!

Some annoying seatmates

It’s always good to watch women with long and well maintained hair, and I don’t miss even a single chance to appreciate women with luscious knee length hair. But even beauty can be annoying, if you cannot handle it with care. This is the message that I got a after a long two hour irritating journey from the city to my hometown yesterday. As usual I boarded the bus from the bus stop and took a seat in the second row, close to an epitome of every man's fantasy, with her impressive tresses left untied, floating in the wind. I was busy getting my ticket, and didn’t pay much attention to the blonde beauty sitting next to me. But I was forced to notice her in a minute or two, when her locks started flowing in the opposite direction, finding its way into my eyes and mouth, literally trespassing into them uncouthly. Though I said I am an ardent fan of women with long tresses, mine is quite too short, till my shoulders, mainly because of the lack of time to maintain my curls. When it’s short, it’s easily manageable, and while travelling I can cover it with a stylish scarf, to doll-up myself, and prevent my hair from finding its way to others’ mouth. I told my fellow passenger aka ‘Miss Beautiful Hair’ to take control of her naughty locks, and she was ‘merciful’ enough to say sorry, and to put her hair towards the other side of her shoulder. What a relief!

After getting rid of the ‘intruders’, I was almost on the verge of getting a good sleep, when I felt something irritatingly moving all over my face. Woke up in anger, and I saw aka ‘Miss Beautiful Hair’ who was still looking out and watching the greenery, when her dear long locks started enjoying the beauty of my eyes and mouth again. Irritatingly inside, yet pleasingly outside, I requested her to take control of the ‘intruders‘, and once again she ‘kind-heartedly’ said sorry for the second time, and took her naught curls away. I prayed, “Not again my god!” It seems god missed my prayers, as, it didn’t take even 10 minutes for her locks to come back, and stroke me all-overs my face. I was very annoyed, but soon felt my annoyance is not going to help me get-rid-of this nuisance. I turned to her with a little 'wicked' smile, and started ‘divulging’ my ‘knowledge’ and ‘secrets’ about healthy hair, as if I am a hair expert, and warned about the aftershocks of leaving hair open while travelling, and shared those inflated after-effects including never ending split ends and hair falling problems that she will have if she leaves tresses untied while travelling. Thank god, that worked wonders, and you know what? Till I reached my hometown, I was extremely comfortable, and felt as if her locks almost forgot the way to my eyes and mouth!

PS – To all my dear female readers - Please don’t leave tresses untied when you travel. There is nothing more irritating than someone else’s hair stroking your face with ultimate pleasure.

Being 'Manly'

The title of the article was so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing nonstop for almost minutes together.  It read ‘Are Modern Men Manly Enough?’, and had along with it the photo of a man getting a facial & a pedicure. For a moment, I felt as if I am looking at the picture of a woman, sitting in a parlor & getting herself beautified. I know that manly doesn’t mean just beefy - bulged with muscles, but it doesn’t mean truly ‘androgynic ‘either. Looking at it from a woman’s viewpoint, generally, the word ‘manly’ has some really vivid corporeal images that most of the women have been carrying in their head at all time. To mention a few, he is the kind of guy with that thick  yet well shaped mustache, dusky skinned, with a little hairy limbs and broader shoulders, who can do some of those hardest tasks easily with his strong hands.  One knows very well that they don’t match with the way modern men are. Or should say it’s almost impossible to find someone akin-to masculine concepts. 

Oddly paradoxical to these images, today’s man goes around clad in skinny low-waist jeans & body hugging t-shirts, spends inordinate amount time at the gym to make sure that his waist doesn’t expand beyond 32 inches , visit beauty parlors for pedicures and facials, and take too-much care for ‘pinpoint perfect’ & metro- sexual looks. Taking inspiration of those ‘A listed’ actors who are ready to do even bird poop facials & wax their chests to get themselves in to the skin of a typical metro - sexual dude, nowadays  men love to have clean shaven face, waxed chest,& faultless hair, making them look more womanish than manly. But there’s something that keeps one wondering? Are these exfoliated, ideally carved faces & its paradigmatic perfection what women really want & look for in men? And should men really go so far to get the ‘immaculate’ metro -sexual looks?  This kind of obsession is almost that equal of not being “a man”.

Many of the folks preen in front of the mirrors for minutes together being too over conscious about their ‘beauty’ looks than the ‘handsome’ one. This metro-sexual syndrome has actually brought along with it ‘skinnier, trendier and prettier’ umpteen ‘womanly looking men’ with more or less androgynous appearances; and everything done in the name of hygiene. There’s nothing wrong in being hygienic, but men should never go overboard and cripple their looks.

For a man to be truly manly, he has to look totally normal, with the very raw appeal which he is naturally gifted with. World would call him man, real man, and the others….

Can things be fine and dandy in life if you are ‘fair’ skinned?

I laughed my lungs out when one of my friends said that he rejected a marriage proposal just because the girl is not fair enough to match with his ‘paleness’. Yes I mean ‘paleness’ for the so called ‘fairness’ that many people around us are obsessed with. What else can describe best this unhealthy obsession for fairness, of which my friend unfortunately is mad with? Typical Indian man! I grumbled and left the place soon, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. How silly of him to put such a stupid reason to reject a girl! However it’s not just he, but the entire society is obsessive about using fairness as the yard stick to gauge the beauty of women, where dark-skinned men symbolized as idols of ‘manliness’ and handsomeness. Here it’s too ironic to see the society making a whole turn round for men.A society that considers fair skin as the benchmark of beauty can never be seen anywhere else than India, the country which guarantees equality for all. One can seldom notice such discrimination among the westerners. I have seen many American guys living happily with black women. But here a fair guy can’t easily accept a dark skinned girl.

Recently I happened to read an article where a beautician is quoted that she couldn’t stop herself from being surprised when a school girl, hardly twelve or thirteen, came to her parlor asking if skin whitening treatments are available. This incident alone can tell us a lot about the ‘unhealthy fairness fetish’ that we still have.

Parents and other family members should make conscious effort not to compare kids and create a feeling that they are biased towards the ‘fairer’ one because the sidelining often starts here. I have heard that difference in skin color cause sibling rivalry. There can be people out there who get mentally hurt when his/her sibling gets more attention just because he/she is fair. This would lead to uncontrollable anger, jealousy and vengeance towards the fairer one, and at times end up tragically. This is possibly due to the sidelining of the dark or tan skinned.

During functions and get together, many go for ‘comparison games’, of the dark skinned to the fairer one. This would kindle up lot of negatives in the mind of the former, which ultimately reduces his/her confidence, and self-esteem, making them go for loner life, by moving away from the society, just because of an inferiority complex that they can’t be fairer like others.

It has become a passion of today to fair oneself in all means and levels. Many jumps from one fairness product to the other, hoping the new one will make them fairer than ever before, and finally ending up in a tone worse than before. Can things be fine and dandy in life, if one is ‘fair’ skinned? Should fairness be the benchmark to judge someone? Good looks are essential, but that doesn’t define the real person. Haven’t we all heard that looks can often be deceptive? Then how fair it is to judge someone on fairness!

Coming back to my friend, he still looks for a ‘fairer’ girl than a fair partner!

When I put an end to my Compulsive Social Networking ‘Mania’

Should I call it a mania? Better you guys decide after reading this!

One fine day I woke up with a strange idea, and that was to deactivate my Facebook account for some time. I had no plans to hop-off the social network bandwagon, but really wanted a ‘normal’ life for myself for a few days, and wanted to start-off blogging and reading again, along with spending some time for some other things in life that I had almost forgotten for quite some time. The idea to shut-down the doors to social networking was due to the kind of compulsive social networking mania that I had for quite a long time, which took away my keenness in other things like reading and writing. I kind of felt a sense of guilt seeing my blog one day, and wanted to take up writing seriously and start off again with some good blog posts.

Facebook had almost taken away a good amount of hours from my post-work time, and I was all in to uploading pictures, writing on walls, adding friends, and trying all the possible stuffs that I could do on Facebook, kind of literally hooked-on to it. After buying a mobile with in-built Facebook settings, things went from bad to worse that I had to literally stop me soon from going on more towards the craziness of Facebooking. Given that all my friends from are permanently signed into Facebook, I was all caught up in Facebook obsession and never bothered to realize the ‘social-media fatigue’ taking a toll on my mind and body. High-time to put a full stop, and I did it!

After 1 month of hibernation, I logged in to my account to check if I had lost my craziness, and luckily I was no longer madder after social networking. And by that time I had almost lost my ‘compulsive Facebooking’ and had started off my blogging and reading again. Now I login to my account less frequently than before, and don’t go for stuffs other than what’s really needed, literally maintaining a low profile.

During the one month that I vanished from Facebook, people kept asking me where I disappeared and called me crazy. But I'm glad that I took the right decision at the right time. Now I have more time to write and read, interact with people, do creative and useful stuffs, and even go to bed early. Now I also do so many things good for my body and mind.

I don’t know if this happens to everyone out there, but I am sure that at least a few people who read this blog would agree with me that social networking websites somehow take away a good amount of time from our days, making us more and more sedentary, entangling us in the world of World Wide Web. If you all start giving a serious thought about the time that you guys spend on social networking websites, I am sure you all are going to get shocked seeing the result.

Find Happiness in Small Things

Right from Monday to Friday, the one thing that we all wait for is the weekend, to dump all those boring and tiresome works, to get away from those stress inducing works and deadlines, hurtful computer monitor, and irksome and gossip loving colleagues. I am no different from you all, or I would rather go extra mile when it comes to weekend planning, as I have been living in various hostels since the last few years. Weekends are times to be with my mom and dad. Well, if I am not planning to visit them I try to be in my room and hardly go out in the city. Yes I prefer being alone there. Don’t get me wrong, I have many reasons to say so. But I won’t be surprised even if you call odd, monotonous.  For most of the people out, weekend remind them of hard partying, and travelling. I don’t want to say that I don’t like travelling, yea, I do, but only when my mind really wants. Otherwise I prefer being in my room.

My weekend is tad different those who believe in ‘Work hard and party harder’ theory. But I have a lot of things to make me happier on those two days. Watching a beautiful sunrise sipping my coffee, relaxing on my bed, enjoying a worth reading article or book, watching my favorite Tom and Jerry cartoons and Charlie Chaplin movies, taking long baths humming my favorite songs, a sumptuous lunch, a quiet afternoon nap, walking through the garden in front of my hostel in the evening, going to temples nearby, they all make me feel so happy and relaxed than taking long journeys and coming back to office tired and exhausted. Clichéd but it’s true that there’s of lot of happiness in doing such small things during weekends to keep me relaxed. Often small, and costs nothing, but the tenderness of those enticingly simple things make a world of difference and fill-in a lot of happiness in me. Always caught in my daily rushes, I make sure to safeguard my weekends, so that I can get zealously absorbed in my own pursuits and relish every moment of those two days.  I am not sure how many of you will agree with my idea or try enjoying such small things, but give it some thought because such smaller things won’t cost you the world, but gives you a world of joy back.