You

I wanted love; you wanted lust.

I wanted a companion; you wanted a puppet.

I wanted a friend; you wanted a stoic who danced to your tunes.

I looked for commitment; you looked for momentary pleasure.

I accepted you for who you are, but you belittled me for who I am.

I wish I knew before I let you in my life.

You hurt every part of my body until I bled.

You hurt every part of my mind until it became numb.

No matter what I did for you, you were never happy.

You were ungrateful and unloving.

You never cared for me, while I cared for you deeply.

You blamed me, abused me, hurt me, left me, and never looked back.

Someday, karma will find you.

And I cannot wait to see what it does.

It's not a joke.

During an award night, a well-known stand-up comic made a joke about an actress, and her husband slapped him in the face on stage, stunning viewers across the world. Initially, I thought of it as part of a rehearsed act. Soon I realized it was not. It's been more than a week since the incident happened, but we continue to discuss it online and offline.

I will not get into the physical altercation part. Every form of violence is deadly and should never be encouraged or justified. What I keep thinking about is the crass joke the comic made. It was a bad joke and a cruel one too. 

He made a joke about the medical condition of the actress, and making a joke about someone's illness is not okay. That's not humor, and that's is not funny at all. People should stop relishing the negative publicity they get from such detestable acts. They should refrain from making deliberate derogatory statements masqueraded as humor. 

I cannot laugh off everything some stand-up comics say, not because I have an aversion to comedy, I cannot accept that it is okay for them to crack jokes that cross the line of acceptability. 

Why do they forget that jokes that hurt people do not make them cool? I think no one should make facetious remarks frivolously and get away with it. Still, it is disconcerting to see that many comics continue to write crude and offensive material and use them multiple times unashamedly.

I am not focusing on political correctness, censorship, or free speech here. My focus is on the psychological impact, especially in the post-pandemic world. Because depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses are rampant nowadays. 

Moreover, jokes that go beyond the line of appropriateness have created an environment where such crass content becomes normal and acceptable. An example is rape jokes. They're neither normal nor acceptable, yet I have heard people giggling when they hear such jokes. What are we guilty of by doing that? We give comics the validation and audacity that it is okay to deliver insensitive jokes unnervingly.

Such jokes also change how people understand societal norms and the implicit rules of acceptable conduct. Acceptable is a subjective term, I agree. What is acceptable for me may not be acceptable for you, and vice-versa. But it does not give anyone of us the right to crack jokes at the expense of another person's beliefs, habits, pain, or suffering. They hurt badly and leave many damaging impacts.

Comics should work harder on their content creation skills rather than clinging to crass and insensitive content to make the audience laugh. And whenever we call them out for being insulting, they should find a better answer every time and not blurt out the same boilerplate statement: "I was only joking."

No, not everyone can do that.

"What is content writing? Do you get paid well for writing website and social media content?" These are some of the questions I had to answer every other day when I started my content writing career in 2008. Those questions have now become a thing of the past. I get a different set of questions nowadays: "Content writing, isn't that easy? All you have to do is copy and paste the required content from another website, or copy it, tweak a little, and make it yours, right?." Yes, the questions are different, so are the snarky comments: "You write content for a living? Even I could do that!" 

But contrary to popular belief, content writing is not everyone's cup of tea. Original, simple, attractive, engaging, should be keyword-rich, should match the requirement and tone of the company or brand -- content writers are responsible for fulfilling all these requirements and more in every project. From brainstorming to putting thoughts in order, finding the right words, rhythm, and style, and avoiding grammar errors, overused words, and phrases, content writing is a long and hurdle-filled journey we take every day, with tight deadlines.

To be a good content writer, we have to understand the company or brand, the target audience, the current SEO practices, the basics of organic search metrics, and more. We have to make sure that the content draws visitors, provides accurate information, answers the commonly asked questions, creates interest, and encourages people to buy the products or services offered. 

In addition to the general rules and guidelines, every company or brand has its style guide we have to adhere to while writing and editing content.

We should be good at both short and long forms of writing. We should learn how to use the correct words and sentence structure. We also should be good at adding playfulness and fun in the right instances without overdoing it. 

The list is pretty long and keeps increasing every day.

So, if you hear someone saying, “Content writing? Even I could do that,” please tell them it is not entirely true.

Dear employer

I love the job I have.

I love the opportunity you have given me.

I work hard every day and every minute.

But you fail to see what I do.

Instead, you look at what I can't.

Then you drag me down with your anger. 

You want me to do it all.

And say Yes every time and all the time.

But I can't do it all on my own.

Want to know why?

I am not perfect.

But I am real; I am honest. 

And that's what you fail to see.

So I bear the brunt of your mockery and scorn.

And I consume the fruit of your unreasonable anger.

They burn me from within.

But I never complain.

I get hurt and sore.

I cry my eyes out.

And wonder what went wrong. 

Then I realize I am amidst a war.

Your over-expectations are at war with my reality.

Why am I not standing up for myself?

You don't let me convey my pain and sadness.

You don't let me say my side of the story. 

Because you always want things your way.

I am good at what I do.

So I work hard every day.

Hoping you will see what I do.

And stop looking at what I can't. 

No one can do it all on their own.

I hope you will realize that someday soon.

I know I have bills to pay and a family to feed.

So I never utter a word.

I engulf the pain and frustration every time. 

I let them burn me and rip me up.

Then I rise up with my scars.

I get ready to get burnt again.

Sincerely,

Your employee

They may look the same, but they are very different.

Content writing and copywriting are close enough, but they are not the same. Every time I get a copywriting opportunity, I have to explain this in detail to the hiring manager. Can I do both? Of course, I can because I have a flair for words. But I prefer content writing because that's what I've been doing since 2008, and that's what I enjoy doing. Based on my knowledge and experience, let me explain why they are different. 

The purpose is the main difference. As a copywriter, you can use your copy to influence your audience and ensure leads and sales. As a content writer, you can use your content to inform, instruct, educate, and entertain your audience. You can use content writing to create engagement and brand loyalty, and you can use your clean, concise, and engaging copy for exciting product descriptions, compelling calls to action, and attractive promotional offers.

I agree that more brand loyalty and engagement may help you increase conversions and sales. But copywriting is where you write advertorial content to persuade readers to take actions related to a business's sales process, including eliciting a direct response or driving conversions and sales. In other words, both go hand in hand, but they are different.

Let's look at content marketing. A content writer creates content, and a content marketer's responsibility includes planning, creating, publishing, and promoting content that attracts prospects and converts onto customers. They create KPIs that measure content success and calculate ROI. In other words, when I write content, I execute a content marketing idea. As a content writer, I help drive organic traffic, and a copywriter can turn that traffic into leads. 

Then who are content strategists? Strategists define:

what/how the content should be,

the priority audience

the goals

the purpose, 

the vision, and 

the direction.

Strategists also make plans to ensure the long-term value of the content.

Let me conclude - not all forms of content creation are the same. Organizations and hiring managers should learn the nuances that distinguish each form of writing. Don't you think so?

The most awkward interview question

What is the most awkward question you have to answer during a job interview? I will tell you about the question I am uncomfortable answering:  “What is your expected salary?” I always push this conversation until the last phase of every interview until I have shown my skills, worth, and accomplishments. I always answer honestly, based on my skills and the value I would bring to the role. Still, it makes me uncomfortable. Because if things go sideways, it will cost me a good job offer.

I will tell you why the question is awkward and how I reply if I have to answer this question. Before that, let me explain why the question is awkward and tricky.

If I lowball the figure to get a job, I will leave well-deserved cash on the table. If I give a high number, the employer will not consider me. 

Even if I learn all the market and salary trends, the employer will have a budget in mind, and hence, all my research findings will be of no use because I will get the job only if my expectation aligns with the budget set for the position. If I try giving a salary range, most employers insist I give a definite answer. So, that option also goes out of the window.

Why do I have to answer the question? If the employer intends to find out if I know my worth well, it is a lose-lose situation - I know my worth, but what good does that do to the employer or me if there is a budget already set for the position? And if the effort is to gauge my professionalism, I believe there are better ways of doing it than asking about the expected salary. 

So, I kept thinking about the possible ways to reply without hurting my chances of landing the right job. I found a reply. Do you know what it is? Just flip the question! I subtly turn the question around and ask the employer about the salary range set for the position. I reply politely and deftly and let the employer divulge the salary range. This method may not work in all instances - it is not a sure-shot way. For me, it works in most instances, and when it does, I always thank the employer for disclosing the salary range. And if the budget is is a little less than my expectation, I evaluate all the non-salary benefits before arriving at a decision. 

I will tell you about the non-salary benefits I look at while considering a job offer. They include a healthy working ambiance, career progression, job security, flexibility, insurance, and health and well-being programs. If the non-salary benefits are worth losing a little money from the CTC, the job opportunity is worth considering. Do you agree? 

Workplace cliques - What I know and how I do not let them affect me and my work

I know that teamwork is integral to the success of every organization. I understand the need for employees to get along. I also know that we tend to gravitate towards people who understand and appreciate us. It's not bad at all. So why am I against cliques or groups at workplaces? Some workplace cliques cause excessive togetherness and make those outside feel less important and worthy. These groups cause exclusivity because they are like secret societies, and having such groups at workplaces can be very toxic. 

Let me give you an example. I am a non-Tamilian living in Chennai. My first workplace in Chennai had many cliques - created by natives. During the initial days, I tried my best to connect with them. But I couldn't. I was always an "outsider" for them. I sat alone most of the time and tried hard to shrug off the negativity of being left out. I can speak Tamil, but not fluently, yet they didn't add me to any clique or make me feel welcomed.

Here is another negative impact of cliques - imagine you get invited for lunch, dinner, night out, or social activity by a group that dominates your workplace. If you politely say "No" due to a personal reason, the group will ignore, snub, exclude you more to ensure the incident affects your mental health and work well-being. 

Some clique members even make snarky remarks about you - they make fun of your attire, language, and even your food habits. I still get many of those. Some of them include my inability to speak certain words in Tamil, the use of coconut oil in my food, and my inability to backbite. 

If cliques or groups impact your work and self-esteem, you don't have to be a part of those groups to excel in your career. Trust me, I have survived more than a decade, and you too can. Keep your conversations at the workplace friendly yet professional, and that healthy barrier will keep you calm and positive all the time. If situations go out of hand, you can always approach your HR or manager, but I don't feel comfortable doing so. Hence, I keep my workplace conversations minimal and professional without giving others the leeway to sneak into my personal life or make me feel left out and excluded. I am better off without being part of cliques. 

After years of hard work, now I know how to live amidst workplace cliques. I don't expect people to include me in their groups now. Yes, I am not part of any workplace clique, and I am okay with it. It's hard but very much possible. When I see toxic groups at the workplace and hear them making snarky remarks about me - Mock me all you want. If my work speaks volumes about who I am, that's all I need. 

Sometimes you may not get what you want, and it is okay.

If you have ever had a dream job or company in mind, you are like me and many others out there who strive hard to work their way up the career ladder. A year ago, I stopped chasing the dream of a dream job. Instead, I kept my options open and learned to face rejections and failures head-on. I learned the hard way that failures and rejections in professional life are part of our journey, and I should not let them take over my life and mess with my mind. Let me tell you more about how I learned this lesson the hard way. 

Since I do not want to divulge anything about the dream organization I mentioned, I will call it Mojo. I have always wanted to work for Mojo. In 2016, I was at their swanky office in the suburbs. Mojo is a one-of-a-kind organization that offers groundbreaking technology solutions, has an enviable work culture, and helps its community join the mission to help the less fortunate out there. In other words, Mojo is the golden gate every ambitious person will look for to have a stellar career. I was no different. I stood at the doorstep for a while before leaving and hoped to return as an employee someday. 

Over the years, I kept applying for every position that matched my skill set, but I was always getting turned down or straight-up ignored. I prepared a lot, tried as hard as possible, but rejection reared its ugly head my way all the time. I always received that one sentence I dreaded seeing - “Unfortunately, we decided to move ahead with another candidate.” 

With every rejection, I started feeling more and more defeated. The negativity erupted like molten lava inside me and tanked my confidence. I kept thinking about what was wrong and what I could have done differently. I wallowed and seethed after very rejection, and then, after trying for years, now I have willed myself to move on.

Rejection letters and emails are almost impossible to accept. It was hard to shake off my pain and disappointment. I respect the decisions made by the company, and I understand that they felt somebody else was better suited for every job I applied for in the past.

So, instead of getting drowned in the rejection rut, here is what I did:

I stopped overthinking and overanalyzing the rejections, I stopped slicing and dicing what happened, and I stopped beating myself down or accusing myself. Well, it was not an easy step at all. It was time-consuming and intense, but I knew I had to do it all to rebound in a positive direction, and I did all that it took to land back on my feet and start moving forward. And when I began finding light at the end of the tunnel, it was easy to come to terms with and accept the rejections from Mojo. I was also able to focus on the other opportunities that came my way. 

When you overanalyze and get stuck in remorseful thoughts, you will get stuck there forever until you pick yourself and move forward. I learned it the hard way. It is okay to be sad about job rejection. Every day, many talented applicants face job rejections. And it is okay to give yourself the time to be upset. But here is what you must remember - Never let rejections engulf you. Get back up, talk yourself up, and most importantly, never get your heart set on a particular job or organization. If you keep your options open, you will more likely land a great job soon. Again, I learned this the hard way.

Take it with a grain of salt

My take on Glassdoor reviews

When we need help to find a good restaurant or pick out a new book or a smartphone, what do we do? Turn to customer reviews, of course! But when it comes to making employment decisions, is it a good idea to make decisions based on company reviews? Should sites like Glassdoor fit into or become an integral part of our job hunt? I don't think so.

Before diving into the details, here is a caveat: I am not saying that Glassdoor reviews are not useful at all. But, while making a career decision, one should not rely heavily on the reviews posted anonymously. Let me tell you why - Any disgruntled employee can hide behind a screen and easily target and tarnish a company's reputation by venting all the anger and frustration and by writing all the negative things possible.

On the other hand, if companies encourage or force employees to leave only positive reviews,  it is almost impossible to get the accurate inside information that can guide your decision. And, if someone has a personal vendetta against a manager or another employee, the avenue they can easily take advantage of to pour out their anger and vengeance is Glassdoor. If you notice carefully, when it comes to the credibility of the reviewers and the accuracy of the claims and statements made by each reviewer, Glassdoor doesn't take any responsibility.

Then why is Glassdoor so important? While researching for the next potential employer, Glassdoor is the go-to platform and primary source for you, me, and many other people out there. With less potent competitors like AmbitionBox and Indeed, they don't face any significant market competition. But most of the reviews on Glassdoor are about extreme feelings - either good or bad. The claims often look too impulsive and exaggerated. Generally, the larger the data, the more accurate the information.  But for me, this rule doesn't apply to Glassdoor reviews.

Either you can find a flood of positive reviews or an avalanche of negative reviews where reviewers rant and vent their frustration and spew negative opinions in front of a group of vulnerable audience who often get swayed and misled easily.

If the reviews sound too good to be true or if the number is disproportionately positive, I don't trust them at all. And, if multiple posts include the same points written in noticeably similar ways, that's an obvious red flag.  For me, both are equally undependable. No matter which website I go through, I always trust those reviews with an even-handed approach. Unfortunately, these days, you cannot say both Glassdoor and neutral reviews in the same breath.

Here is another reason why I don't rely much on Glassdoor reviews - As far as I know, Glassdoor doesn't have any transparent methods to identify the reviews that left by choice and remove the fake ones or those with vested interests. It means anyone can post reviews on Glassdoor, about any company, at any point in time, with hardly any credible verification. And, there is nothing that stops a reviewer from posting multiple reviews from different ids. Does that mean one shouldn't trust Glassdoor reviews? I won't say that.  Instead, I leave that decision to your own best judgment.

You cannot verify the identity of the reviewers on Glassdoor. But you can stop yourself from rejecting a job opportunity or a company solely based on negative reviews. Instead of letting other's opinions cloud your judgment, it's always good to explore for yourself and then arrive at a decision. In other words, make decisions based on facts and not assumptions. A prior connection or a former colleague who works for the organization you are about to start working for can give their perspective. However, you must always do your due diligence and make the best guess before making your career decisions.

Do you know why such websites thrive and succeed? They always take advantage of your quest to find the workplace of your dreams. Firstly, you have to let go of the idea of a dream workplace. There is no such thing. Take the time and effort to make wise choices, and never assume you can find the best workplace ever by just relying on Glassdoor reviews.

My pandemic diary

I think 2020 will go down the history as the worst year we have ever had. The challenges at work, the fear of economic recession, and the staggering rise in unemployment left far-reaching physical and mental health consequences that are not easy to undo. In other words, it is not easy to navigate the tumult that COVID-19 has brought upon us. In addition to the enormous loss of human lives, job losses continue to rise at a staggering rate every day.

More than a year has passed since WHO declared the COVID-19 pandemic. It has upended our lives and careers like never before. We abruptly shifted to working from home and lived through several lockdowns. Face-to-face interactions and social gatherings are a thing of the past now, and staying at home and working from home is the new normal. The ongoing restrictions and devastating socio-economic impacts have left most of us feeling stressed and worried about our future, and I am no exception.  With another lockdown on the horizon, I cannot help but think about how I will work, live, and thrive until the surge abates or until vaccines are available equitably around the world.

The pandemic has rocked and halted my regular life like never before. It is still challenging me in unpredictable ways every day. I don't know when my life will get back to the pre-virus normal. Or, will the old normal ever appear again? I don't know. 

The pandemic is a severe assault on both my mental health. The feeling of loneliness struck hard every day throughout 2020, especially during festive seasons and on my birthday. I was hoping that 2021 will be a better year. But the second wave of COVID-19 has taken my anxiety and loneliness to the next level. I know that everyone goes through tough times when disconnected. I think it is normal to feel lonely while staying indoors and interacting less with people, but for me, loneliness worsens the underlying anxiety and panic. 

I was ashamed and embarrassed to open up and talk about the pernicious side effect of the pandemics until now. I feared that a candid conversation might uncover a vulnerability on my part. However, since my mental health and well-being is as important as my physical health, I have decided to jot down my fears and thoughts here. Once I pour out my fears and worries,  I want to embrace and live a healthy lifestyle and stay clear in my head.

On weekdays or weekends, staying up late and waking up late is the new normal in my life since March 2020. My eating habits have gone for a toss, and the prolonged pandemic restrictions and a sedentary lifestyle have made me a couch potato. Adding to the woes is my latest indulgence - munching on unhealthy snacks while at work or whenever I am hungry. And the temptation to stress eat is undoubtedly enormous these days. To get started, I have to painstakingly combat all these bad habits before they wreak havoc on my health, productivity, and immunity.

The good news is that with adequate attention and practice, I can successfully undo any less-than-stellar habits of mine, and I have succeeded more than once in the past.  But I haven't been successful yet when it comes to keeping a check on my news consumption. 

I love to stay on top of news and trends and enjoy devouring breaking news and updates every other minute. But it's high time to try hard and draw the line while staying informed and alert. With one distressing news report leading to another, I often get lost on the internet for hours together. The information overload gets quite overwhelming on most of the days and often gives fatigue and anxiety. I know that I cannot stay away from news portals and social media for a very long time. It is not a viable solution. I will have to slow down, limit my presence, and take one step at a time. 

During the initial lockdown, the prolonged lack of human interactions made me a compulsive social media user for some time until I started witnessing a startling overflow of anxiety-inducing misinformation. Then I decided to take frequent breaks from social media instead of constantly letting myself go down the rabbit hole of social media addiction. I found the much-needed diversion in reading, music, and blog writing. Pandemic or not, I always find solace in good books and blogging. They help reduce negative mental chatter significantly so that I can stay calm, focused, and motivated. 

The inundation of the COVID-19 infodemic on social media and chat apps and its negative implications have reinforced the need to have an optimal balance between my digital and non-digital life. Social media can sometimes be a double-edged sword. Forget Facebook and Twitter; the rate at which dubious and false information about the pandemic is spreading on WhatsApp is very alarming. Like the COVID-19 virus, misinformation spreading like wildfire on WhatsApp, and we must stem the tide before it is too late. But trust me, life without WhatsApp is very much possible, way more peaceful, and entirely possible. I live it every single day and love it to the fullest.

To get through the  COVID-19 upheaval without any lasting physical, mental, and emotional damage, I want to live healthily and keep my positive attitude, energy, and hope alive. Yes, sometimes it's hard to sail through certain days, but I am trying to take one day at a time and focus on the positives in my life. That's the only way I can march forward with good health, determination, hope.

Why I don’t vote

I live in a democratic country. But unlike many of my fellow citizens, I don't vote. I always skip the elections. It is neither out of laziness or apathy nor to be proud of a unique decision. Distrust and disillusionment top the list of reasons why I haven't voted so far (and probably will never). 

For starters, politicians are experts in inaction and breaking their promises once elected. And it is not just about broken promises. Almost one-third of the elected candidates in our country have criminal charges against them. Also, corruption is rampant, growing at an alarming pace, and is largely unchecked. I am tired of hearing blatant lies and hollow promises.  Frustration mounts like a wave every time I hear about complacency and lack of transparency. A wave of sadness chokes me every time I hear about increasing crimes and decreasing conviction rates. 

Politicians are shamelessly insincere about their campaign pledges. They promise the world during campaigns, but as we know, they never fulfil the promises. If I cannot trust them to keep their promises, why should I vote? In other words, politics has now become “politricks”, and I do not want to trick my soul. According to the law of the land, commoners like you and me must be responsible for our decisions and accountable for our actions. But, when a citizen becomes a politician, this rule often goes out of the window.

Do you know the reason why our politicians get away with inaction and unfulfilled promises? There are no checks and balances to assess their works during or after their tenure. Thus, broken promises and voters’ discontent have become so common these days that we have almost forgotten what it feels like when an elected politician keeps promises. Most of the politicians live for themselves. They live under the umbrella of selflessness and are always hungry for power and privileges. This is why many people in our country do not feel represented by the candidates they elect. I am no different, but I will not spend my time looking for the "lesser evil".

I am eligible to vote, but I decided not to when I was eighteen. For me, the election is just a once-in-five years exercise. I stay home during the day of voting and live my life, and I have no plans to change my decision. From good roads to streetlights, traffic signals, drinking water, and the safety of women and children, none of the necessities is provided equally to the citizens across the country. For me, voting is an act of hope. If people still die of hunger, worms wriggle in our drinking water, fatal accidents happen due to potholes, and babies as young as 28 days get raped, why should I spend my time electing a selfish bunch of power mongers?

Now, the question is more pertinent than ever. We are battling an unprecedented crisis, and the explosion of COVID-19 cases is taking a toll on everyone, including our frontline warriors. Despite receiving warning signs of the new wave and the new variants, our elected representatives failed to take adequate steps to mitigate the spread and the second wave. Religious gatherings and elections aggravated the surge, and the complacency is costing us heavily now. 

Most of the politicians took to social media and urged people to vote even amid the pandemic. Voters thronged to polling sites and created breeding grounds for the virus. Due to the mass flouting of COVID norms during elections, COVID is now ravaging our country harder than ever.  People are gasping for breath and battling for life, and hospitals do not have adequate beds and medical oxygen supply. But our politicians are focusing more on blame games instead of helping the people out there. 

Yes, I cannot understand why I should do my civic duties in a country where the elected representatives fail to provide even hospital beds, medicines, and medical oxygen. If they do not have an iota of concern about us and our well-being, why should I spend an hour in front of the polling booth to do my civic duty? My life and time are as precious as those of the politicians out there.

As far as I know, there are no legal remedies to pursue if a politician breaks a promise or fails to perform the fundamental duties. Lack of legal obligation is the main reason why errant, selfish, and irresponsible politicians get away with unfulfilled promises, wrongdoings, and inaction. Forget legal remedies; the crisis of accountability is rampant among politicians. Furthermore, voluntary resignation admitting responsibility of failure to discharge duties as an elected representative is unheard of in our country. Is there anything left for a voter to expect?

Let me tell you about a one-on-one interaction with a municipal election candidate. This incident happened several years ago, but it continues to remain etched in my mind. The candidate was at my doorstep, in deep conversation with my dad. When he saw me standing near the door, he told me that I should take a day off and cast my vote for him. My reply was simple – I asked him if he can ensure good streetlights, round the clock safety and proper waste disposal. His reply was a sarcastic smile that spoke a thousand words that echoed his lack of interest in my request. He walked away, and I stood there reaffirming my decision not to vote.

Why I didn't speak up

It takes a lot of time and effort to land a job interview, and it gets a lot more difficult during the coronavirus pandemic. I attended an interview yesterday, and I was super excited about it.  Everything was hunky-dory until the hiring manager dared to make a comment with sexual innuendo. Yes, he said that during a Zoom call while the owner of the company, a woman, was listening to the entire conversation. In the garb of a joke, what he said in Malayalam, our mother tongue, was downright offensive and sexual in every possible way. Then he laughed off as if the comment was far from demeaning. The owner, a non-Malayalee, couldn’t decipher that his comment was gross and disgusting. She dismissed it as a causal joke.

I couldn't. I was shocked and was not in a position to talk. It took a few seconds for me to gather my thoughts and mumble out a reply. After the call, I spoke to the owner of the company and politely declined the opportunity.

But the incident got me thinking. Should I have done it differently? But then again, I cannot even imagine working with a man who unapologetically makes sexual comments at work. Should I have called him out? I wanted to, but I focused more on ending the conversation without being rude, disrespectful, or unprofessional. Yes, I chose silence instead of career suicide, shaming, and depression. Many women like me face such experiences in silence to keep career wheels running on the track. I know I should not have done that, but I did not want to put my career on the line. 

Why do we suffer in silence? Why do we let harassers get away with what they do to us? I think it is due to our innate fear of not wanting to be branded as “troublemaker”. Another reason is the fear of losing potential career opportunities. We also dread the possibilities of character assassination. Even if we muster the courage to speak up and take a strong stand, our words either fall on deaf ears or we are told not to make a "fuss" about "it". It is sad that harassers always get defensive and justify their actions, and those who rally around to support them will jump in and pronounce the verdict that the women who complained are "overreacting" or might have "misunderstood" the men in question. Or worse, together they ostracize and penalize women who are bold enough to stand up against what is wrong.

I wanted to stand up for myself and give a piece of my mind to the man who humiliated me. But I took a step back and told myself to let go. Apart from shaming and psychological trauma, I was afraid of retaliation as well. I was facing a man who is way up on the hierarchy ladder and has power and authority at his disposal. It means standing up for myself or going public will disrupt my life in unimaginable ways. I have to earn my bread and butter and support my family. So, I chose my career over my self-respect; and to avoid bad blood, I hid in the garb of silence. You may disagree with me and the way I rationalize my silence, but I also know that no one will support me if I dare to speak out. 

When the offender holds a high job status than me, silence will help safeguard the career I built up with years of sweat and blood. Yes, the price of speaking up can be high. So, I could not speak up, or I chose not to speak up. Instead, I chose my blog as a cathartic outlet to jot down my experience. This honest and unreserved account of what I went through is my way of unburdening the shame and anger that I've been carrying for the last few days.

As long as men dominate the positions of power and women like me live with the fear of being at the receiving end of backlash, I think silence is the best way to stay afloat peacefully. As we all know, the corporate world is a male terrain. So why invite trouble by speaking up when one can choose stay silent, walk away, and let karma do it's thing?

Love without expectations

I met someone.

We had feelings for each other.

As the feelings got stronger, we got into a relationship.

The relationship turned into love and got immensely serious.

We loved each other like dew’s love for parched leaves.

Until…

Expectations uprooted whatever we had between us.

And we parted ways to never meet again.

Have you been there, done that, and wished you hadn't? If so, you and I made the same mistake - We believed that love is a two-way street. We always carried the misguided belief that it is ok to have expectations in love. That’s exactly where we were wrong. 

So, together let’s correct that mistake. Before we go any further, let me ask you this simple question - Is love a one-way street/a two-way street? If you are wondering why I asked the question, here is the answer – Now, I think love is/should be a one-way street. 

Let me explain why. When you start expecting reciprocity, or has a slew of expectations, you will always expect the other person to live up to them. And at some point, if that person lets you down or leaves you, your world comes crashing down on you. That's exactly how you will feel until you muster the strength and positivity to move on. Trust me, I’ve been there, and that is the worst feeling ever. In every love story that turns cold over time, the culprit is almost always the expectations that partners have of each other.  You start knowing you partner, get intimate, and walk hand in hand along the path towards fulfilling love; yes, expectations can obviously happen. When those expectations aren’t met, you get heartbroken. 

Expectations make you feel entrapped, and pain becomes the new normal, because you always expect your partner to say/do certain things, but he/she may fail at times. What if you deliberately avoid keeping any expectations? Unlike the common perception, selflessness and living without expectations is not a tightrope walk where there is always the risk of slipping or falling. It’s all about having the will and confidence to love with the strong belief that you have nothing to lose when you love someone without expecting anything in return.  If you can do that, you will stop ruminating on reciprocity. You will be more mindful and will learn to live in the moment. 

They say love happens when two people feel the same way. For me, love can happen even if the feeling is one-sided. Here is the caveat – Do not expect anything return, be it love or friendship. You love someone because you want to, and that’s a conscious choice you make. Despite all the flaws, you love him/her every single day, because you want to. However, the problem arises when you are hell-bent on wanting the same amount of love in return, or you want to end up with the person you choose to love.  If the other person fails to reciprocate the same feelings, you will feel angry and betrayed. 

The question here is, who is the reason behind the pain and agony? It’s you. Let’s look at it objectively. You entered the relationship with a long checklist. Without knowing what your partner’s feelings are, you kept yearning for his/her time, affection, comfort, support, and undivided attention. In other words, you entered the relationship with a clear agenda in mind.

Does that mean wanting all of these is bad, or wanting to be loved, is wrong. I am not saying it is wrong, in fact, the desire to be loved is quite natural. However, when it becomes contractual, and when both partners have a slew of agendas, things can become very problematic. You end up bargaining, and you end up losing each other. 

Does that mean one should fail to draw boundaries, settle for being used and unloved, and let the other person take all intimate benefits? No, absolutely not! While you try to establish a special and selfless relationship that is free from selfishness and possessiveness of any sort, protect yourself from being exploited. Make sure that your relationship is healthy and is built on mutual respect. This will help protect yourself from pain and loss of self-esteem and sanity. 

When it comes to figuring out if someone is using you, or is emotionally manipulative, here is my advice - always trust your instincts, because those are messages that come straightaway from your soul.  If you do not want to be near that person, do not dwell too much on it, instead cut them out of your life completely. However, that should not rob you of the ability to love without any expectations. Less expectations =  less disappointments and more peace of mind.

Do not expect a relationship to happen; if it works out, perfect, if not, move on! After all, we only have one life to live. There is no pause or rewind button.

The dangers of keyword stuffing

When it comes to writing content and optimizing it for both search engines and visitors, it is always tempting to take shortcuts. You may want to publish content and get the best ranking overnight and will think about speeding up content writing and optimization by bypassing Google’s guidelines. Will that help you? Absolutely not! This is the most important lesson that I learned when I started working as a content writer in 2008. Among the (in)famous black-hat methods that are popularly used by writers and self-proclaimed SEO experts out there, keyword stuffing is what hurts the most.  Let me explain what keyword stuffing is. Some writers believe that shoving most searched keywords onto a webpage is the easiest way to rank higher for those terms in search engine results. This is strictly a black hat tactic and leads to the utmost terrible user experience. Let’s think logically about this – Who will read a webpage where the writer has used “affordable web design” or “best seo agency” multiple times on the same page? 

Imagine getting crammed inside a minivan. How will that feel like? That’s exactly how I feel when I read keyword-stuffed content. Keyword stuffing not only affects user experience, it may knock off a website from search engine rankings, or worse, the site will soon be removed from search results completely. It would also lead to search engine penalty. In short, keyword stuffing a very dangerous game, and I wonder why many writers continue to rely on this misguided logic when it comes to writing and optimizing content for search engines. Today, I was reading the blog about coworking spaces and why they are popular. All that I could notice in the content was barrage of so-called “searchable” keywords, right from top to bottom. There was hardly any useful information in the blog. I stopped midway through the blog, gave up, and left the website. However, all I could think about was the alarming rate at which their bounce rate would skyrocket each day. Do you know why? Search engine algorithms are designed to pick good quality content that connects with audience. Visitors should be able to find what exactly they are looking for. In other words, the algorithms pick only interesting, plagiarism-free, and informative content. If your content is not written for human audience, it completely goes against the best practices of writing and SEO. It will not get ranked for sure. To put it precisely, the content will be considered as spam and will not get the attention of visitors. When you create poor user experience and send visitors away, your bounce rate will increase, and the conversion rate will dip each day. This will leave a bad impact on your online presence. Even if a writer manages to garner good search engine ranking with keyword stuffing, will a visitor read the content or stay on the site? No! The content will repel people almost immediately. 

There are two ways of keyword stuffing: natural and unnatural. The former is the unnatural way of repeating keyword several times out of context. The latter is a little trickier. Some writers know very well that they should not hinder user experience. Hence, they camouflage spammy text stuffed with keywords. But they cannot hide spammy content from search engine crawlers. This attempt to fool search engine algorithms will only result in penalty. Here is what I am not able to understand - Why go that extra mile and deceive search engines when you can use that time wisely to write good content? So, here is the most pertinent question. Does that mean the use of keywords is bad? No! Keywords are important, but writers should focus on creating information-rich content and use keywords appropriately. Topic, information, and context are equally important when it comes to the selection and usage of keywords.  Instead of focusing on search engine robots, writers should focus on the people who read the content. They visit webpages and invest their time to find informative content. Hence writers should use keywords responsibly and in the utmost well-to-do manner. I don’t believe in the magic number or percentage of keywords that can be used on each webpage. It’s all about using your logic and thinking from a reader’s point of view. I think long-tail keywords are better than short keywords. An alternative is to try and use appropriate synonyms without overdoing. Most importantly, you don’t have to use any shortcuts, or be a grammar Nazi or expert in keywords, to write interesting and informative content.  All it takes is comprehensive research and a clear understanding of what you are planning to write. Once you are ready, you will soon reach the zone to write, and words will start flowing very soon. 

For me, keywords are like salt – adequate quantity will bring out the best, whereas too much will soon ruin everything. 

Rape jokes aren't funny

Metaphors and analogies – we use them a lot every day in our conversations. When we use the right ones at the right time in the right way, they help communicate easily and add clarity and precision. When it comes to clear and meaningful communication, metaphors and analogies are almost hard to beat. There is nothing wrong with metaphors and analogies, by all means, but some of them are distasteful, clumsy, and sickening. Let me give you an example - Some people use the word "rape" to callously to refer to something bad, or they draw parallels between “rape” and anything and everything bad or inconvenient. 

When the word "rape" is flippantly used, it trivializes the real-life experience of rape survivors across the world. Remember how the world cracked up to the ‘balatkar’ joke in “3 Idiots”? It reeked of misogyny and sexism, but it never raised any eyebrows back then.  Cracking such jokes have become the new normal these days, and this MUST stop. In NO contexts can such things be said. Yet, even now, they find their way through the conversations of some people out there.

It is a pity that some people still find it hard to understand why rape jokes and metaphors are a no-no. Rape is a horrendous crime. We should not trivialize it with such metaphors and analogies and disregard the physical and mental trauma that the survivors go through. And if one is saying, "I have the right to free speech!",  that person should take a moment to gauge the impact of that joke on a sexual assault survivor. When rape jokes and metaphors become a part of day-to-day conversations, listeners get conditioned to ignore and normalize sexual assaults. Such conversations perpetuate rape culture and defend the behavior of the abuser as ‘normal’ and ‘regular’. Can we let that happen? NO, we cannot! When someone draws attention to this sexist behavior, the world around feels that he/she is blowing things out of proportion. 

A few months back, an actor who prides herself of being self-made and claims to have a voice of her own made an appalling statement on national television. She compared the demolition of her office space to being raped, and said: “I felt like I was raped, I felt violated mentally and psychologically.” Is it right to proffer an argument and find justification by drawing such analogies? No matter how grievous her pain is, it is never right to compare it with a horrific and heinous crime like rape. We have seen many other instances where both the well-known and the not-so-well-known have used the rape jokes and metaphors to make their point. A so-called superstar once compared his strenuous shooting experience to the condition of a "raped woman". How can they simply belittle the extent and danger of this crime? I am still not able to wrap my head around this. When they try to draw distasteful comparisons between a difficult situation they have been through and a horrendous crime like rape, they are making a mockery of every woman, man, and child who has been a victim of this horrifying and unpardonable crime.  Such analogies and metaphors dial down the intensity and criminality of the crime. They also make the victims hesitant to opening up or seeking help. 

According to the National Crimes Records Bureau (NCRB), India recorded 88 rape cases every day in 2019. 2020 is no different. Hardly a day goes by without reading news reports on rape sexual violence against women and children. Yet, some people irresponsibly use rape analogies and jokes now and then to prove their points. It is high time to raise our collective voices against the use of rape jokes and metaphors. We should stop this right away!

Depression: Yes, it’s real

Ever heard of a disease that does not show up in your blood test; does not cause any visible symptoms like runny nose, headache, or rashes; or is not visible under a microscope? Yes, it exists, and doctors call it depression. This is an issue that touches millions of lives across the world, but it is hard to pin it down. I know that because and I have dealt with it in the past.

For a major part of my life, on certain days, I battled with an unexplainable state of unhappiness. The occasional down days used to take a toll on my body and mind. The symptoms were evident - my self-esteem hit rock bottom, I ate like a horse, I remained active and happy at one moment and gloomy and aloof the next, I broke down to tears for the silliest of the reasons and fought with on-and-off suicidal thoughts. The miserable health condition reared its ugly head from time to time. Yes, there was a problem to deal with, but I never acknowledged it.

Deep within, I was not ready to deal with the stigmatization and prejudices of society. I didn't want to go down that road. The embarrassment and the fear of putting myself in that awkward spot were hard to deal with. I felt that it will aggravate my condition, so I chose to remain in the state of denial for a very long time. When depression overpowered me, it felt like nothing in this world could help me feel good. But here is the difficult part - I hated to admit that I needed help. Yes, I was in a state of denial for several years. This denial exacerbated my sufferings, and the glitch in my head-space worsened.

From adverse childhood experiences to getting bullied at workplaces, life took me through all sort of dark phases until my mid-twenties. I know that some unpleasant experiences are inevitable in the journey of life. But I had a barrage of them for a very long time, and they left me with deep scars that covered every inch of my heart. The pain I felt was indescribable, almost ready to engulf me and leave me incapacitated. I tried my best to put a brave face in front of my family, friends, and colleagues, but some of them noticed that something was amiss. I saw myself switching from extreme happiness to extreme sadness regularly. I cried often and without any provocation. People called me dramatic, moody, and a cry baby, but that was my way of asking for help. But I was always made to feel that what I was going through due to my fault.

After the long and exhausting battle, a colleague brought a ray of hope in my life. His solacing words helped me amass the courage to put an end to the pain and denial that I was forcing on myself. I knew that I would not be able to snap out of the persistent feelings of sadness and despair. But I didn't want to keep quiet anymore and let the pain and stigma win over me. I was desperate for help, but I was too ashamed to ask until my colleague made me understand that there is nothing embarrassing about asking for help. So, after a long journey through darkness, the light dawned upon me, and I realized that it is better to fix than to ignore it. So I decided to ask for help.

Soon I found myself sitting in a therapist’s room for a counseling session. The first step to recovery, as always, to start an honest conversation. It was hard to figure out who is the best person to talk to - a family member or a doctor. I kept worrying about the likely responses, and I feared that a wrong response (verbal or otherwise) would hamper my healing efforts. Keeping this in mind, I chose to speak to an experienced doctor. I wanted to have an honest conversation with someone who is knowledgeable and whose job is to help people like me. While opening up to a family member or friend has its perks, the downside is the lack of proper medical attention that is imperative to kick-start the healing process.

I had apprehensions, a lot of them. I felt he might throw some serious medications my way, but he did not put me into any medication. Akin to other illnesses, I felt medication is the preliminary step on the road to healing. But I was wrong. The initial session was quite a big surprise - his first step was to listen to me. I spoke about an hour –I laughed and cried, reminiscing every depressive moment of the past. He listened like a friend: a loving an empathetic friend. He didn't interrupt me even once. He held my arms when I cried my eyes out. While I unfolded all the thoughts and emotions, current and bygone, he gathered all data about my life and the agony I was fighting with. I was frank and specific about every information that I shared. I was no longer embarrassed, and I didn’t have even an iota of worry about social stigma. All that I had in mind was the immense need for a long-term healing process. 

Seeking help is a sign of strength. It's not a weakness. A heart-to-heart conversation with someone you trust is the best way to get rid of negative toxic feelings and seek the much-needed help. It will also give you a fresh perspective on life along with a new pair of lenses to view life from. Although medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, it is not ideal for long-term use. Other methods - including exercise, therapy, positive conversations, and lifestyle changes such as self-care - can go a long way, and they can be more effective than medication. Always remember that the treatment will take time and commitment and that’s quite normal. You may face ups and downs intermittently, and the journey can sometimes be overwhelming and frustratingly slow. But never give up!

There is a strong social stigma attached to depression. This negative stigma makes people feel embarrassed to confess the way they’re feeling, For fear of being named and shamed, people are hesitant to reach out for help and to talk. First of all, if you are suffering from depression, you are not responsible for it. So, do not blame yourself for what you are going through. Furthermore, if you refuse to seek help, it will not make you strong, tough, or self-reliant; it will only make you stubborn and will likely aggravate what you are dealing with. Seek help as early as you can. 

Finding love online: A reality check

A few months back, I decided to sign up on a popular dating app to try my luck in the online dating world. It didn’t stem from far-from-real thoughts of finding love on a dating app. I was not eclipsed by any surreal thoughts that an online platform would lay the cornerstone of an actual relationship. And I never knew a thing or two about dating apps, or online dating per se, until then. To be honest, I wanted to hit the stop button of my long-drawn single life. Does that sound silly? Like any single man or woman in this digital age, I wanted to explore the easiest option I had. But looking back, it was worth the time.

I never imagined even in my wildest dreams that I would sign up on a dating app someday. Online dating can be both exciting and frustrating at the same time. The term "online dating" itself is ambiguous and somewhat misleading. As it implies, you don't form an entire relationship online. You meet people online and then meet them in person. One of your dates may blossom into a relationship or all of them may fade into oblivion after day one. This experience can sometimes be as funny as hell; and at times, it might get on the nerves.

The app that I chose had the options to write down a short bio and to answer a few random yet interesting questions. I answered them to the best of my knowledge and voila, I was in! I had to spend a lot of time on the left and right-swiping game to find potential matches. I read an incessant number of profiles of men from far and wide. Believe me, you can find a lot of appealing profiles on dating apps. But what's behind each glossy picture is hard to decipher. Here is an earth-shattering revelation: Many people lie on their online dating profiles. In other words, akin to everything that we see around us, dating apps too have a mixed bag of good and evil in them. Here is another startling secret: Dating apps are also breeding grounds for conmen and women.

I chose very few profiles to kick-start what I felt would be simple and honest conversations. But there were more surprises in store for me. Trust me on this one: dating apps are chock full of serial daters. Yes, every dating app has its fair share of douche bags. They date many people but steer clear of any commitments. They believe in the “hook-up culture” and are keen only in pursuing physical pleasure. My inbox was overflowing with lovey-dovey invites to have "fun" and keep things "light and easy." To be precise, they were subtle invites to pursue physical pleasure. Thank god for the delete and block buttons - It was easy to block the stream of unwelcoming messages.

But it was shocking to find that dating apps have become a wily playground for married men. I came across many profiles of men who were open about their immense liking for non-monogamy. They were risking it all and had no remorse about it whatsoever. What's more shocking is the way they justify infidelity. You know why? Most of them believe and reiterate that cheating on their partners is the "logical" way of tackling their relationship issues. Are dating apps killing love, romance and commitment? Are we turning a blind eye to the reality of two-timing, infidelity, affairs, and betrayal? Looks like cheating has become way too easy in this era of instant messaging and social media. So let's not go there.

I kept my expectations in check and took one step at a time. It took some time to make up my mind and answer the messages that I received. Some of them were downright silly and ridiculous, some others were lewd and creepy. Some of them wanted casual sex and were willing to admit it. Some others held their desire and gave me subtle hints to make the first move. They never took me to surprise and I politely said no to all the douche bags. Looking back, I wonder if I was too nice to those jerks. A few of them waited for me to start a conversation – perhaps wanting an upper hand in the relationship. I never paid any heed to their snooty silence. Despite having ridiculous profiles, some of them were surprisingly nice. I chose to reply to the ones that started on a good note. Most of them preferred to meet-up rather than exchanging a barrage of messages or calls.

During every conversation, I focused on creating a bond of friendship. I failed in a few, and I was successful in a few others. I won’t claim that my choices were prudent and foresightful. Here is the reason - beyond the pictures and small introductions that I saw online, there was hardly anything tangible to rely upon. In other words, it was not easy to decide whether to swipe right and start a conversation or to swipe left and look for another profile. But I managed to understand the intentions of most of the men I conversed with. Some of the conversations extended to good friendships and are still going strong. I don't know what the future holds for me but what I do know is the online experience was worth the shot and a big learning experience when it comes to understanding the reality behind the flawless online facades of that men show to the world.

I don’t want to downplay the time and effort required to narrow thousands of people down to a few maybes. It’s worth a shot if you want to try it. Some of the dating apps are still good to find and meet like-minded people. But you always have to be on your guard against serial daters and non-committers when it comes to heading towards long-term relationships. Surveys from in the U.S. state that about 15% of adults in the U.S use dating apps, and about 5% of them took their relationships further to marriage or commitment relationships. That’s not a bad number at all! After all, it’s not online dating—it’s meeting people online followed by in-person dating. Spending a few minutes of swiping to find a guy to go on a date with is not daunting and time-consuming when compared to the incessant wait to meet a man who is worth talking to.

My safety is in my hands

I got myself a canister of pepper spray today, and the reason is implicit - The world is becoming more and more dangerous for women, and sexual crimes are increasing at pandemic proportions each year. Having a pepper spray canister at my disposal increases the chances to fend off an attacker. As important as my purse, phone, keys, and sanitary pads are, a pepper spray canister is not something I can leave behind any more. If you are wondering why, here is the answer - When it comes to non-lethal ways to save oneself from an attacker, pepper spray is hard to beat. Can pepper spray save me from an unforeseen or uncalled for situation? No, it will not avert a danger completely, but I can at least immobilize an attacker for a while and thus save myself from being harmed.  In other words, pepper spray provides a sense of security.

Unlike earlier days of my career, I work for more than 12 hours on most of the days and am concerned about my safety while going to or from work.  Regardless of the city I am in, I have to always look over my shoulder, constantly look for signs of danger, or quicken my pace to ensure my safety, even in even the busiest of the streets.

Safety of women is still a challenge in our society. Whichever state you go to, whichever city you reside; there is no dearth of women who have faced horrific ordeals of sexual harassment. Despite making remarkable strides in development in almost every sphere, women’s safety is still a concern, a mirage, and a hard-fought battle in our country.  In spite of having strong laws in place, there is no let up in sexual assault cases in our country.  It’s been almost seven years since the Nirbhaya incident, and there has been no change in the attitude of society towards women. We haven’t yet created a system that instills fear in the heart of offenders. Crimes against women continue to rise each day, but only a small fraction of them get reported or see the court doors. Women are forced to learn self-defense techniques and equip themselves with pepper sprays or stun guns to reduce the chances of become victims.

State governments across the country announced a slew of measures after the Nirbhaya incident, but none of them have made any significant impact.  Women continue to become the potential target of obscene remark, lewd gestures, stalking, or molestation. From barely-occupied city buses and trains to unlit bus stops and streets as well as busy roads and market places, sick and inebriated perverts loiter in most parts of every city in our country. Although we claim to be a progressive society, stalking is still not considered a crime, thanks to a slew of movies where stalking is depicted as an accepted way to woo a woman.

According to a survey conducted by the Thomson Reuters Foundation last year, our country is the most dangerous place for women. Our cities are riddled with many unsafe corners that make perfect hiding space for perverts and molesters. To save themselves from unforeseen incidents, women have started arming themselves with self-defense techniques. However, defending oneself from an expected attack is easier but getting caught by surprise may not be. Pepper spray is an effective and easy-to-use form of self-defense, even when you are caught off guard. It is easy to carry and can easily incapacitate an attacker for a while.  Once exposed, it takes about an hour for the effects of the spray to wear off. Pepper spray canisters are designed to fit in handbags and purses.

No product can make me invincible, and I am aware of that. But I am fortunate to have such weapons that help disorient an attacker for a few minutes so that I can flee from the spot.

No more New Year's resolutions

Why are New Year's resolutions hard to keep? Why does the burst of motivation wither in the blink of an eye? The answer lies in the kind of resolutions that you make. New Year's resolutions are mostly about deprivations the reason why they are doomed to fail. New Year's Resolutions have never worked for me.  I have not successfully followed through or accomplished any of them in the past. So why continue investing in something that is bound to fail? When 2019 dawned, I decided to throw the rulebook out of the window to set attainable, actionable, and effective short-term, medium-term, and long-term goals for myself.  I will start off with weaning myself off WhatsApp without uninstalling the application. It is a clear goal that does not require gargantuan will power.

WhatsApp - A necessary evil

The purpose of communication, digital or otherwise, is to elicit action, convey information, or express a point of view. However, a deluge of WhatsApp messages keeps competing for my attention every day, and often I give in without an iota of guilt. Such interruptions drain a lion's share of my time and energy every day.  As much as I love the way WhatsApp has made digital communication simple and affordable, I hate its ability to get people hooked to its charm.  Neither this ubiquitous chat application nor the users owe me a living. Still, a pointless sense of obligation forces me to reply to every message that pops up on my screen. I don’t believe in ignoring messages entirely but pitting a time limit will reprieve me from the snare of WhatsApp ‘addiction’. I will not stop relishing the advantages that WhatsApp brings to the table; instead, I will cut back on the time spent and reclaim the control without going cold turkey.

I have set a goal that is significant enough to stay committed and consistent. It is real and achievable. I am not roping myself into a challenging commitment that I cannot keep. The more simple and specific my goal is, the more likely it is that I will accomplish the goal within the timeline. Any major change that I intend to make overnight is equivalent of trying to tame a wild horse and expecting it to oblige. It will not happen. Or, I will constantly fight the temptation to break the resolution at every turn.

Get your priorities straight

Everyone and everything might look like a priority in life. But if you choose everything and everyone, you are not choosing anything and anyone at all. Hence, it’s imperative to choose what or who matters the most and drop less-important one without an iota of guilt or remorse. The reason is simple - Time is the most precious of all that we possess, and it's critical to invest time in on the right people. In short, determine what is important and make it a priority. This significant step might create tough situations where you must draw lines and let people and things leave from your life for good. Prioritization is the key to survive in today's fast-paced and competitive world. 

If you live by the rule of taking each day as it comes, it's time to step back and re-evaluate yourself and your life. If priorities are not in the top of your mind, or you leave everything to chance, you fail to cut to the chase to accomplish meaningful things and build worthy relationships in life.  Your priority list is your guiding light. It will keep you on the course and help make the best long-term decisions in life.  If you have your priorities set straight, your actions and decisions will take you closer to the goals that you have set for yourself.

Here is how you can set your priorities straight without racking your brain:

Keep it simple - If you have a complicated and time-consuming plan to make time and set your priorities straight, flush it out from your mind right away and replace it with a simple one where you can set your priorities quickly with logical reasons. 

Live for today but plan for tomorrow -  Your priority list should stand the test of time and tide.  Weigh in on the long-term consequences of each one of them before they find themselves seated on your list.

Learn to make the hard yet right choices, or, run the day and stay in charge–  Each priority should add value to your life and journey towards achieving the ultimate goals and aims in life.  Identify what adds value and matters most, because, if everything is a priority, then nothing is.  

You can’t do it all at once and that’s ok –  No matter how hard you work and how effectively you try to keep pace, you can’t do it all at once and that’s ok.  Things or relationships, no priority or goal l is worth attaining if you are confused, worried, anxiety-ridden, and sleep-deprived.  If you are conditioned to want to do it all, you can’t do it all at once, remind yourself that you can do it all, but you cannot do it all at once. 

Give up on the less-important – The nerve say no to the less-important will help you choose relevant people and make impactful decisions in life.  Prioritizing everything and everyone will only drag you to mediocrity and helplessness. 

Learn to say No and keep a balance –  If you are a “yes” person who swoops in and does everything you’ve been asked for, it’s time to learn how to say NO diplomatically, make prudent choices, and strike a balance.  If this sounds, trust me, it’s far from easy, but undoubtedly possible and doable. 

Let them put in their two cents – If your friends can help fine-tune your priority list, never hesitate to ask for their opinions without compromising on your goals, needs, and happiness. 

Check-up and realignment - Analyse your priorities periodically and cart off the ones that are less important. 

Appreciate yourself - Appreciate what you have done and achieved. It’s critical to fuel your efforts to check up and realign your priorities on time and without fail. 

Don’t let trivial things distract, side-track, or overwhelm you, and never succumb to the urge to put your life on auto-pilot mode and wait for life to take its own course. Instead, set your priorities straight, pay attention to what you are doing, and never lose sight of your goals.   As the adage goes, "No one is busy in this world, it is all about priorities."