A few months back, I decided to sign up on a popular dating app to try my luck in the online dating world. It didn’t stem from far-from-real thoughts of finding love on a dating app. I was not eclipsed by any surreal thoughts that an online platform would lay the cornerstone of an actual relationship. And I never knew a thing or two about dating apps, or online dating per se, until then. To be honest, I wanted to hit the stop button of my long-drawn single life. Does that sound silly? Like any single man or woman in this digital age, I wanted to explore the easiest option I had. But looking back, it was worth the time.
I never imagined even in my wildest dreams that I would sign up on a dating app someday. Online dating can be both exciting and frustrating at the same time. The term "online dating" itself is ambiguous and somewhat misleading. As it implies, you don't form an entire relationship online. You meet people online and then meet them in person. One of your dates may blossom into a relationship or all of them may fade into oblivion after day one. This experience can sometimes be as funny as hell; and at times, it might get on the nerves.
The app that I chose had the options to write down a short bio and to answer a few random yet interesting questions. I answered them to the best of my knowledge and voila, I was in! I had to spend a lot of time on the left and right-swiping game to find potential matches. I read an incessant number of profiles of men from far and wide. Believe me, you can find a lot of appealing profiles on dating apps. But what's behind each glossy picture is hard to decipher. Here is an earth-shattering revelation: Many people lie on their online dating profiles. In other words, akin to everything that we see around us, dating apps too have a mixed bag of good and evil in them. Here is another startling secret: Dating apps are also breeding grounds for conmen and women.
I chose very few profiles to kick-start what I felt would be simple and honest conversations. But there were more surprises in store for me. Trust me on this one: dating apps are chock full of serial daters. Yes, every dating app has its fair share of douche bags. They date many people but steer clear of any commitments. They believe in the “hook-up culture” and are keen only in pursuing physical pleasure. My inbox was overflowing with lovey-dovey invites to have "fun" and keep things "light and easy." To be precise, they were subtle invites to pursue physical pleasure. Thank god for the delete and block buttons - It was easy to block the stream of unwelcoming messages.
But it was shocking to find that dating apps have become a wily playground for married men. I came across many profiles of men who were open about their immense liking for non-monogamy. They were risking it all and had no remorse about it whatsoever. What's more shocking is the way they justify infidelity. You know why? Most of them believe and reiterate that cheating on their partners is the "logical" way of tackling their relationship issues. Are dating apps killing love, romance and commitment? Are we turning a blind eye to the reality of two-timing, infidelity, affairs, and betrayal? Looks like cheating has become way too easy in this era of instant messaging and social media. So let's not go there.
I kept my expectations in check and took one step at a time. It took some time to make up my mind and answer the messages that I received. Some of them were downright silly and ridiculous, some others were lewd and creepy. Some of them wanted casual sex and were willing to admit it. Some others held their desire and gave me subtle hints to make the first move. They never took me to surprise and I politely said no to all the douche bags. Looking back, I wonder if I was too nice to those jerks. A few of them waited for me to start a conversation – perhaps wanting an upper hand in the relationship. I never paid any heed to their snooty silence. Despite having ridiculous profiles, some of them were surprisingly nice. I chose to reply to the ones that started on a good note. Most of them preferred to meet-up rather than exchanging a barrage of messages or calls.
During every conversation, I focused on creating a bond of friendship. I failed in a few, and I was successful in a few others. I won’t claim that my choices were prudent and foresightful. Here is the reason - beyond the pictures and small introductions that I saw online, there was hardly anything tangible to rely upon. In other words, it was not easy to decide whether to swipe right and start a conversation or to swipe left and look for another profile. But I managed to understand the intentions of most of the men I conversed with. Some of the conversations extended to good friendships and are still going strong. I don't know what the future holds for me but what I do know is the online experience was worth the shot and a big learning experience when it comes to understanding the reality behind the flawless online facades of that men show to the world.
I don’t want to downplay the time and effort required to narrow thousands of people down to a few maybes. It’s worth a shot if you want to try it. Some of the dating apps are still good to find and meet like-minded people. But you always have to be on your guard against serial daters and non-committers when it comes to heading towards long-term relationships. Surveys from in the U.S. state that about 15% of adults in the U.S use dating apps, and about 5% of them took their relationships further to marriage or commitment relationships. That’s not a bad number at all! After all, it’s not online dating—it’s meeting people online followed by in-person dating. Spending a few minutes of swiping to find a guy to go on a date with is not daunting and time-consuming when compared to the incessant wait to meet a man who is worth talking to.