Take it with a grain of salt

How do you handle an insult; be it from a stranger or from someone who’s pretty close to you?Last day I happened to read a beautiful story of Buddha, and the way he handled an insult. Here’s it:

Once an angry man insulted Buddha. In reply, Buddha asked the man if people ever visited hi in his his home. Amazed at the change of topic, he replied yes. Later Buddha asked him whether his visitors ever brought gifts for him. The man again replied yes, and Buddha went on to further ask him what would happen if he refuses to accept the gifts, and who would the gifts belong to then? The man immediately replied that if he refuses the gifts, they would belong to those who brought them. On hearing this, Buddha replied calmly, "In the same way, since I do not accept your insults, they remain with you."

I think there’s a fantastic message in the story.

Heard someone hurl an insulting comment about you?  Take a moment & stop getting annoyed! Never roll your eyes and tap your fingers, because all these impulsive reactions won’t do any good, other than making your body and mind tired and worn-out, thus helping the other person feel that he/she has won in making you feel low and wounded.

If you ask me, the best way to handle an insult is to be silent and not to get offended. Facing an insult with patience is the best way to keep away your body and mind from all the unwanted stress and negativity that can take a huge toll on your mind & daily life activities.

Long back, whenever I used to be the soft target to shower insults and offensive remarks, I was often impulsive and  left no stones unturned to to burst out in uncontrollable anger, incessantly howling and shouting at the person in front of me, frantically trying to give a ‘befitting’ reply, which I felt would lessen the impact of the insult that I faced. But now I am not in to all those impulsiveness, and always make sure to take time to figure out things wisely, before giving my replies. A few minutes of silence and analysis helps me calm down, so that I can take a sensible move, instead of giving a hysterical scream in anger.

Often insulting remarks are never sincere opinions that are aimed at helping you become a better person.  So I don’t think we need to take time to find out the reason why people hurl such nasty remarks at us, as those verbal vomits would never have anything worth listening to. I think insulting remarks are nothing but  sharp thorns that people purposefully lay on your road to success, to make you trip and fall down as quickly as possible. So why bother to step on them and bear the pain unnecessarily?

The best way to avoid the catastrophe is to ignore them and take a deviation. This will assure your mind that no one else other than you can make your mind feel bad about yourself. I keep doing this whenever I hear rude remarks, and this helps me retain my confidence, instead of getting myself burned in the fire of irrational and offensive remarks. I am not saying that you should sit back and let people insult you repeatedly, thus giving them a chance to take undue advantage of you and your silence. On the contrary, make sure not to lose your mind over an unnecessary comment or remark made by an uncouth attacker. Instead, if you laugh aloud when someone pisses you off, you will feel better, and can give him/her a humiliating reply through your laugh. But if you think you cannot make use of your sense of humour, you are always free to distance yourself from that person. Only we can make the choice whether or not to get insulted, so why not make the right choice?

It’s good to be suspicious

Myth: It’s bad to suspect others.

Fact: It’s always good to be mildly suspicions as it will help you evade some unforeseen troubles and dangers, by gifting you with the powerful armor of extra caution to shield yourself.

Are you vulnerable to trusting someone very easily? To be frank, I am not, or I should say I don’t blindly trust anyone other than my parents, or to put it in a better way, when it comes to people other than dad and mom, I always carry within me a mild dosage of suspicion and carefulness, and my instincts have helped me many times in avoiding some really worst incidents, right before start. So, before jumping in to the conclusion that I am totally wrong, give it a second thought and you will definitely agree to me. A mild dose of paranoia is always good to safe guard yourself; especially when you are in strange places in the company of people whom you don't know well. This holds true even with people you know, or even when you are walking in the evenings or even travelling in a bus or train. The person near you, walking behind you, or sitting close to you can never me a heavenly angel, and definitely won’t be a thug or a robber always, but a mild level of paranoia will help you protect yourself, and will gift you with the extra sensory perception to anticipate and avert a possible trouble or danger that may be lurking around without your knowledge. Being in a society where murderers, chain snatchers, looters and all the sort of antisocial elements walk around  in the best possible ‘gentlemanly’ face, identifying  and separating the harmful and harmless would definitely be not be as easy as you think. Therefore, it is always good to have a set level suspicion, I repeat it’s a set level, and should not go overboard, as it will definitely help you than do any harm.

I can tell you an example to prove this, as this very evident in case of frequent travelers who are often noticed carefully, trapped, and attacked for money and jewellery. I've seen a lot of people in buses and trains who often trust fellow passengers too readily, and start talking intimately as if they were friends for years together. I really wonder why people do bother to talk so deeply to a stranger, just to get rid of the boredom of a journey! There are many other things that can be done during travelling, like reading a book, texting friends, listening to music, or even looking outside and watching people and vehicles around. Yet many people soon walk in to the strangers’ territory and ‘make friends’ in minutes, which I think is the best way to invite a possible danger. To avoid being taken undue advantage of, it’s always wise to keep away from such short chitchats and be aware that you can never measure the level of others' motives or honesty.

But once you get rid of the shell of blind trust, you can soon find that your instincts would often turn out correct, and you will less likely regret for being suspicious than for being too trusting. Trusting others is never naive, but blind trust is more than dangerous, and trusting people who are less known to you is the worst of the lot. Yes, trust is essential, and is the very core of our life. But that in no way means that you should trust someone blindly and open up your entire self in front of them.  Be watchful, and don’t let yourself pay a huge price for blindly trusting someone.

PS: On the flip-side blind suspicion would also do immense harm if you are not aware of where to draw that vivid yet fine line. So make sure to set your suspicion to the requisite level, and not even a degree more.