On contrary to the popular belief that teachers are kindness personified, she was tough and rude, right from day one till the end of our postgraduate studies, and for this reason I never felt the need to create a lasting rapport with her, unlike the relationship with other teachers who were very friendly and loving. Being in-charge of our department, she was always seen busy with teaching and other departmental activities, the reason that gave me an initial false notion that her work distanced her from us. But I was wrong, and she proved this many times beyond doubts with her ungracious behaviour, often insulting and hurting us for no specific reason to mention.
She hardly came to our classroom or took pains to complete the lessons, but reached, she proved herself with her fantastic and attention grabbing lectures, the only reason why I’ve never hated her completely. But the teacher in her was mostly overshadowed by the hard-hearted human who never left any chances to mock and insult us for all the silly reasons that she could find, whether it’s a spelling mistake in our lecture notes or a wrong pronunciation while reading-out a seminar. Instead of taking pains to explain where we were wrong, she often made a mockery of us before the whole class, and enjoyed it herself. Even while submitting assignments and seminars, we took extra caution to put things ‘her way’, as we knew that she would tear the sheets mercilessly and throw it on our face for even for the slightest and unintentional mistake of ours.
Much to my surprise, she always loved indulging in self praise, which often sounded funny, as though she was unknowingly trying to make a fool of herself before others. But no one had the courage to go against her, and hence agreed to whatever she said, and showered her with undeserved praises, just to make her happy, or else it would have clearly made its effect in our internal assessment marks.
Initially I couldn’t take-in the rude attitude of hers but had to forcefully make-up my mind, as I had no other option. Thankfully the other teachers were good and compassionate to us, and for this reason we never felt disheartened at any point of our college days. It was almost during the mid of the third semester that I happened to hear the life story of our 'ruthless' teacher, which changed my attitude towards her overnight. Married to a government servant, from a reputed family, she expected a happy and peaceful life but soon received the first pitiless blow of fate when her husband was caught for misappropriation of office funds. After losing his job as a part of the official enquiry, she was only breadwinner of the family, and had three little children to take care of. But she moved on, and even managed to complete her doctoral studies while working, amid umpteen difficulties.
Years passed-by and her daughters reached the marriageable age, but sadly she couldn’t get a suitable groom for her eldest daughter, for some reason or the other. This frustrating delay shattered her more than words could describe, and to make matters worse, her younger daughter eloped with someone. It was another huge blow for her. The only son, the hope of the entire family, was a good for nothing spoiled brat. Added to all these were the spicy gossips about her family.
I couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to live sanely in her problem filled world. Although her personal grievances could never be considered as an excuse for her ill-treating us, I was ready to forget whatever she did, as I was sure that circumstances and surroundings might have made her the way she was, for which she could never be blamed, no matter however bad she behaved. I knew that she would never change herself at any point of our academic life, but after hearing her story, I could no more carry any hard feelings for her.
I completed my post graduation in 2003, and till then she was more or less the same, but as I knew the ‘reason’, I faced her arrogance calmly the whole time, without any qualms.
Love is not a formality or an obligation
I have two friends in the city. One is married to her childhood sweetheart and the another one had a totally arranged marriage as per the rigid guidelines of her more than strict community. Both live in the city a stone throw away from my hostel, and I often meet them during weekends. Although nearing to their first anniversary, I’ve always noticed that they are poles apart in the way they handle their marital life, and this has always been through provoking for the sheer difference in thoughts of two young couples of almost the same age.
Having taken their relationship to the next level, the couple who ended up in to a successful love marriage, are always seen happier than ever, thus proving that they made the right choice even after coming from two entirely different backgrounds and religions. I don’t want to say that they are the power couple that anyone would idolize, as I have seen many instances where they start calling names and fight like street dogs. But those instantaneous fights are arguments never last even for an hour, and they get back to each other’s arms with more love and affection. The fights and arguments are often for reasons sillier than the usually silly ones, and to my surprise I have never seen them fighting for any kind of serious matters. I have never seen then indulging in PDAs or showering showy compliments at each other in public, but one can definitely understand their love for each other right from the way they are. Some of you may perhaps say that since they have known each other, they would obviously know how to be with. I do agree that knowing someone for quite a long time is a pretty good reason to get bonded well, but it will happen only through one’s intentional effort, for which one has to have an ego-less, open-minded, and loving attitude. So, the fact that they know each other is not just enough to live a pleasant life that everyone would dream about.
On the other hand, even the couple who had the completely arranged marriage are very much happy, but unlike the previous couple, I have never seen any kind of intense love equation among these folks. They are just so plain all the time, and look as if they are living a very timetabled and mechanical kind of life that someone else has charted for them. They hardly have time for each other, and are often in their own worlds, be it in the office or at home. Of course, they do love each other, but there’s a kind of numbness in their relationship which is very evident.
At first I just felt I am wrong in concluding things only based on what get to see, but there came many situations where they proved me right with their pretentiousness and lack of passion for each other. The mental and emotional make-up and bondage that a loving couple would have was hardly found between them, instead what remained was the very mechanically lived moments, just for the sake of it. I have never seen them living a day to the fullest, instead hardly see them together, unlike the previous couple who have frequent lunch outings, dinner dates, surprise parties, vacations plans, and many more things in their list, and yet live a responsible life.
Some people are blessed with everything, and yet a true bondage does not blossom and grow among them, whereas some others have umpteen differences and still are blissfully connected to each other with the strong vibes of love and passion. Don’t mistake me, as I am really not against arranged marriages. But having the seen the life of these two friends of mine, I keep wondering which one will help find unending and immensely passionate love that lasts a lifetime.
Having taken their relationship to the next level, the couple who ended up in to a successful love marriage, are always seen happier than ever, thus proving that they made the right choice even after coming from two entirely different backgrounds and religions. I don’t want to say that they are the power couple that anyone would idolize, as I have seen many instances where they start calling names and fight like street dogs. But those instantaneous fights are arguments never last even for an hour, and they get back to each other’s arms with more love and affection. The fights and arguments are often for reasons sillier than the usually silly ones, and to my surprise I have never seen them fighting for any kind of serious matters. I have never seen then indulging in PDAs or showering showy compliments at each other in public, but one can definitely understand their love for each other right from the way they are. Some of you may perhaps say that since they have known each other, they would obviously know how to be with. I do agree that knowing someone for quite a long time is a pretty good reason to get bonded well, but it will happen only through one’s intentional effort, for which one has to have an ego-less, open-minded, and loving attitude. So, the fact that they know each other is not just enough to live a pleasant life that everyone would dream about.
On the other hand, even the couple who had the completely arranged marriage are very much happy, but unlike the previous couple, I have never seen any kind of intense love equation among these folks. They are just so plain all the time, and look as if they are living a very timetabled and mechanical kind of life that someone else has charted for them. They hardly have time for each other, and are often in their own worlds, be it in the office or at home. Of course, they do love each other, but there’s a kind of numbness in their relationship which is very evident.
At first I just felt I am wrong in concluding things only based on what get to see, but there came many situations where they proved me right with their pretentiousness and lack of passion for each other. The mental and emotional make-up and bondage that a loving couple would have was hardly found between them, instead what remained was the very mechanically lived moments, just for the sake of it. I have never seen them living a day to the fullest, instead hardly see them together, unlike the previous couple who have frequent lunch outings, dinner dates, surprise parties, vacations plans, and many more things in their list, and yet live a responsible life.
Some people are blessed with everything, and yet a true bondage does not blossom and grow among them, whereas some others have umpteen differences and still are blissfully connected to each other with the strong vibes of love and passion. Don’t mistake me, as I am really not against arranged marriages. But having the seen the life of these two friends of mine, I keep wondering which one will help find unending and immensely passionate love that lasts a lifetime.
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