“It’s a girl!” - Some thoughts on female foeticide

Believing the baseless prophecy of a godman, who told them that she will give birth to a baby girl, they deprived her of motherhood and mercilessly ripped-off the foetus from her womb. It was so sad reading the heartbreaking news today, about a 22 year old woman who was kicked and beaten by her in-laws who were desperate for a male heir. It was even harder to imagine what the woman would have gone through, after having lost her baby. It’s been more than six decades since we gained independence, but sadly we’re not yet independent from the age-old woman hatred in the country. What I can’t stop wondering is the logic behind the immense passion for tigers and stray dogs in the country where people ruthlessly kill girl children.

The country has had remarkable progresses in all sectors, but not in the mindset of the people who still consider girl child as a curse and boys as a blessing. This is a really massive problem that no one is actually interested in sorting out, resulting in the tremendously increasing ratio of female foeticide. Daughters are still considered a liability, mainly due to the legally banned but widely prevailing practice of dowry. No matter the number of amazing progresses made here, the country is still carrying the rotten stinks of monsters-in-law, mammas boys who are just ruthless gold diggers and have absolutely no mercy on anyone other than themselves, stealthily hiding behind the candid photographs of engagements and weddings that are happening around. I just don’t understand the reason why some women are so keen on clinging on to troubled marriages even after knowing that her husband and in-laws do not want her to have daughters, and forcefully insist her take inhuman steps. I think such marriages really don’t have anything worth taking a chance, especially when one is pressurized and forced to kill her child. Sometimes I really wonder how people can be so biased, especially some of those women out there, who join the men in the house to humiliate and hurt their daughters-in-law for not giving a male heir.

Now let me tell you a bit of my experience. We’re two daughters and I am the eldest. I’ve always heard my relatives lamenting and sympathising at my mom for having two daughters, which according to them is a backbreaking responsibility. They were always seen making sad faces at my mom for not having a son to ‘responsibly’ take care of them.  As a child, such comments used to hurt me, but now I care a damn. Both me and my sister are now blessed enough to take good care of my parents and the male clan about whom my relatives were always seen going gaga are still on their road to success.

Millions of female foetuses get aborted every year, and there’s no one to question this savagery. Getting killed just because of being a girl is an unexplainable tragedy, and keeps affirming the sad fact that a girl child is still unwanted in India.

I still remember seeing an episode of non-fiction programme, aired a few months back, which showed the case of a doctor who used to do illegal abortion of female foetuses, that were later found floating in a river, wrapped up in polythene bags. So are we heading to world where there will be no women but only men all around?  I really feel this would happen sometime soon, when all the female foetuses get killed one by one, and only boys are born everywhere.

No one is born bad

On contrary to the popular belief that teachers are kindness personified, she was tough and rude, right from day one till the end of our postgraduate studies, and for this reason I never felt the need to create a lasting rapport with her, unlike the relationship with other teachers who were very friendly and loving.  Being in-charge of our department, she was always seen busy with teaching and other departmental activities, the reason that gave me an initial false notion that her work distanced her from us. But I was wrong, and she proved this many times beyond doubts with her ungracious behaviour, often insulting and hurting us for no specific reason to mention.

She hardly came to our classroom or took pains to complete the lessons, but reached, she proved herself with her fantastic and attention grabbing lectures, the only reason why I’ve never hated her completely.  But the teacher in her was mostly overshadowed by the hard-hearted human who never left any chances to mock and insult us for all the silly reasons that she could find, whether it’s a spelling mistake in our lecture notes or a wrong pronunciation while reading-out a seminar. Instead of taking pains to explain where we were wrong, she often made a mockery of us before the whole class, and enjoyed it herself.  Even while submitting assignments and seminars, we took extra caution to put things ‘her way’, as we knew that she would tear the sheets mercilessly and throw it on our face for even for the slightest and unintentional mistake of ours.

Much to my surprise, she always loved indulging in self praise, which often sounded funny, as though she was unknowingly trying to make a fool of herself before others. But no one had the courage to go against her, and hence agreed to whatever she said, and showered her with undeserved praises, just to make her happy, or else it would have clearly made its effect in our internal assessment marks.

Initially I couldn’t take-in the rude attitude of hers but had to forcefully make-up my mind, as I had no other option. Thankfully the other teachers were good and compassionate to us, and for this reason we never felt disheartened at any point of our college days. It was almost during the mid of the third semester that I happened to hear the life story of our 'ruthless' teacher, which changed my attitude towards her overnight. Married to a government servant, from a reputed family, she expected a happy and peaceful life but soon received the first pitiless blow of fate when her husband was caught for misappropriation of office funds.  After losing his job as a part of the official enquiry, she was only breadwinner of the family, and had three little children to take care of.  But she moved on, and even managed to complete her doctoral studies while working, amid umpteen difficulties.

Years passed-by and her daughters reached the marriageable age, but sadly she couldn’t get a suitable groom for her eldest daughter, for some reason or the other.  This frustrating delay shattered her more than words could describe, and to make matters worse, her younger daughter eloped with someone. It was another huge blow for her.  The only son, the hope of the entire family, was a good for nothing spoiled brat. Added to all these were the spicy gossips about her family.

I couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to live sanely in her problem filled world. Although her personal grievances could never be considered as an excuse for her ill-treating us, I was ready to forget whatever she did, as I was sure that circumstances and surroundings might have made her the way she was, for which she could never be blamed, no matter however bad she behaved.  I knew that she would never change herself at any point of our academic life, but after hearing her story, I could no more carry any hard feelings for her.

I completed my post graduation in 2003, and till then she was more or less the same, but as I knew the ‘reason’,  I faced her arrogance calmly the whole time, without any qualms.