It doesn't happen all the time, but yes, there are times when I just don't feel like talking to anyone, when I want to remain silent and completely detached from all the people and things around me. Some people mistake my silence for arrogance, but those who know me closely are well aware of this alter-ego of mine, which keeps appearing in between, making me feel desperate to remain silent and unconnected for sometime.
Sometimes I badly need those silent moments; those detached times when I can be within myself and spend some time in solitary confinement. By solitary confinement I don’t mean those melancholic and retrospective moments that are powerful enough to thwart even the highest level of positivism. It's about those moments of disconnection that can help me clean my mind and take some deep breaths before coming back to the hustle and bustle of life. It’s not a mental illness, like how most of the people out there feel, but just a method of cleansing my mind.
Be it in mine or someone else’s case, people are often prejudiced about the reason for quietness of a person. They do have this very bad notion that all the quiet people are alike, and have more or less the same reasons for being quiet. So people who don't know me much always come up with their own ridiculous assumptions my quietness and I remain stubbornly tight-lipped and ignore their “What’s wrong?”s and “Are you Ok?”s because I hate giving replies and justifications about why I am silent, although I am grateful for all those ‘kind hearts’ for being visibly concerned about my abrupt silence.
I keep wondering why people just make this wrong note of my need and likeness for solitude. I am not an introvert, but not an extrovert either, and speak just the average amount of words that I would need to survive. But there are certain moments when I am totally blank, when all that I want is a few moments of soothing silence, and I just go on a compulsory silence and come back to ‘normalcy’ in perhaps a few hours. But those few hours are very important for me to bring my mind back on track and take time to figure out things that might have run messy and out of order. So even if I don’t have anything to brood or fret about, I do take a few hours of detachment from the world and go on sitting silently for a couple of hours as it gives a completely fresh aura to come back and start things with more energy and enthusiasm. I am not quite sure about the number of people who can relate themselves to this, to the desperate need to cut off themselves from the world and live a few hours in silence.
This obscure 'fetishness' for enforced silence has been with me since childhood. No matter how long a person keeps tempting me to start talking or share some of my slightly above average jokes I will keep my mouth shut like a stubborn little girl. Thankfully some of my friends know that I go on such hibernations on and off, the reason why they hardly bother to call me or text me during those moments of self imposed silence.
My first watch
Owning a watch is not a big deal these days, but it was more than a big fat treat during my childhood when hardly a few kids of our age had their own watches. More than a luxury, watches symbolized the transformation to adulthood and independence, a kind of break free from the childhood, the reason why the craving for a watch grew up more and more in our minds each day. I never had one till I was ten, and had always felt a kind of indefinable incompleteness whenever I saw those gaudy and attractive watches that adorned the wrists of my friends. I wanted one for me too, or rather craved for it badly. I didn’t have much inclination towards those too much showy pieces, instead only wanted a very ordinary kind of one that’s just good enough to look elegant and show the time accurately.
A year passed by and I was 11, when I got my first watch. One of the most treasured things in my life, it was beautiful, oval shaped, and golden coloured throughout. It came to me all on a sudden and I was pleasantly surprised get it from my dad. The actually the first watch that I had ever owned in my entire life, I still remember how I used to carefully take it out of the black case and wear it on my wrist so proudly, glee-ing non-stop and rushing off to meet my friends and to parade my new possession. My golden little watch, although not really high priced, was always a sign of independence and a foray in to the world of grown-ups, the world that I always wanted to be a part of. Though it didn’t have any advanced features and glitzy appearances to get enticed, I always had an indefinable liking it, the reason why I was never allured to any of the advanced versions of it that many of my friends. Always glued softly to my wrist, my watch always kept giving me constant company throughout the adventurous lifetime journey from childhood to teenage and then to adolescence.
After about 15 years of constant companionship, my golden little friend left me one fine day, even without bidding adieu. It was a very usual evening and I was back from the office after a tiresome day. Tea and snacks were ready on the table, but hygienic sense overpowered my hunger pages, and I wanted to wash both my hands before munching the lip-smacking sandwich that awaited me. As a precaution to prevent water from damaging my watch, I kept it right there on my bag and went towards the washbasin. It took less than minute for me to come back, but shockingly my watch was nowhere found. I was shocked, devastated, and heartbroken seeing the sudden disappearance of my most prized possession. I frantically looked everywhere and asked the girls who were sitting nearby, but sadly no one could tell me how it went missing in less than a second. I couldn’t stop crying my heart out! I didn’t know what to do and couldn’t figure out how I lost my watch. There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to find thing. But I was almost sure that I won’t get my watch back.
After sobbing uncontrollably for days together, I had to finally come in to terms with the realization that I won’t have the precious company of my long-term friend and companion, my golden little watch, but yet always felt hurt whenever I used to think about it. Seeing my worry and sadness, dad bought me a new watch, which in no way resembled the old one.
Days, months and years passed-by and I moved on with my life. I almost forgot about the watch as I hadn't thought about it for years together until last week.
I had been to the library and chose Cecelia Ahern’s A PLACE CALLED HERE. I started reading it the very same day and was more than fascinated towards the story of Sandy Shortt, the protagonist, an obsessive compulsive young Irish Garda, who goes missing and finds herself in an imaginative world where all missing things and people go. Intriguing isn't it? But what if there is actually a place where all the lost things and people reach? My imagination started going crazy and I felt as if there would really be a world like that where the ‘lost ones’ assemble and start a fresh living. It was then I remembered about my watch. Did my watch get in to the so called mysterious world? What would it be doing there now? I had a thousand questions in my mind, and more coming up one by one!
To be frank, I never wanted to worry anymore, but the idea was just so intriguing that I couldn't stop thinking crazy about it.
If there is an imaginative world where lost things and people finally reach, I am sure my golden watch would have joined its long lost forefathers, friends, cousins and other dear ones who were eagerly waiting for it join them in the world where all lost things and people disappear to. A kind of parallel world that I had never thought about till then, the novel made me feel better and eased my regrets of losing my precious watch. I felt as if I’ve let it scot-free so that it can soon get united with its long-lost family, a huge flock of watches from various ages. I felt good and happy about it! I felt as if I've helped someone get back home, after getting separated for years together, Or I should say that the book almost put an end to my thoughts about the loss of my first owned watch.
A year passed by and I was 11, when I got my first watch. One of the most treasured things in my life, it was beautiful, oval shaped, and golden coloured throughout. It came to me all on a sudden and I was pleasantly surprised get it from my dad. The actually the first watch that I had ever owned in my entire life, I still remember how I used to carefully take it out of the black case and wear it on my wrist so proudly, glee-ing non-stop and rushing off to meet my friends and to parade my new possession. My golden little watch, although not really high priced, was always a sign of independence and a foray in to the world of grown-ups, the world that I always wanted to be a part of. Though it didn’t have any advanced features and glitzy appearances to get enticed, I always had an indefinable liking it, the reason why I was never allured to any of the advanced versions of it that many of my friends. Always glued softly to my wrist, my watch always kept giving me constant company throughout the adventurous lifetime journey from childhood to teenage and then to adolescence.
After about 15 years of constant companionship, my golden little friend left me one fine day, even without bidding adieu. It was a very usual evening and I was back from the office after a tiresome day. Tea and snacks were ready on the table, but hygienic sense overpowered my hunger pages, and I wanted to wash both my hands before munching the lip-smacking sandwich that awaited me. As a precaution to prevent water from damaging my watch, I kept it right there on my bag and went towards the washbasin. It took less than minute for me to come back, but shockingly my watch was nowhere found. I was shocked, devastated, and heartbroken seeing the sudden disappearance of my most prized possession. I frantically looked everywhere and asked the girls who were sitting nearby, but sadly no one could tell me how it went missing in less than a second. I couldn’t stop crying my heart out! I didn’t know what to do and couldn’t figure out how I lost my watch. There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to find thing. But I was almost sure that I won’t get my watch back.
After sobbing uncontrollably for days together, I had to finally come in to terms with the realization that I won’t have the precious company of my long-term friend and companion, my golden little watch, but yet always felt hurt whenever I used to think about it. Seeing my worry and sadness, dad bought me a new watch, which in no way resembled the old one.
Days, months and years passed-by and I moved on with my life. I almost forgot about the watch as I hadn't thought about it for years together until last week.
I had been to the library and chose Cecelia Ahern’s A PLACE CALLED HERE. I started reading it the very same day and was more than fascinated towards the story of Sandy Shortt, the protagonist, an obsessive compulsive young Irish Garda, who goes missing and finds herself in an imaginative world where all missing things and people go. Intriguing isn't it? But what if there is actually a place where all the lost things and people reach? My imagination started going crazy and I felt as if there would really be a world like that where the ‘lost ones’ assemble and start a fresh living. It was then I remembered about my watch. Did my watch get in to the so called mysterious world? What would it be doing there now? I had a thousand questions in my mind, and more coming up one by one!
To be frank, I never wanted to worry anymore, but the idea was just so intriguing that I couldn't stop thinking crazy about it.
If there is an imaginative world where lost things and people finally reach, I am sure my golden watch would have joined its long lost forefathers, friends, cousins and other dear ones who were eagerly waiting for it join them in the world where all lost things and people disappear to. A kind of parallel world that I had never thought about till then, the novel made me feel better and eased my regrets of losing my precious watch. I felt as if I’ve let it scot-free so that it can soon get united with its long-lost family, a huge flock of watches from various ages. I felt good and happy about it! I felt as if I've helped someone get back home, after getting separated for years together, Or I should say that the book almost put an end to my thoughts about the loss of my first owned watch.
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