Are you happy?

“Are you happy?,” the question is simple and straightforward, but hardly anyone answers it with a simple and confident “Yes”. Instead they think through a list of what’s happening now, what looms ahead, and what their expectations are, dissecting everything in detail, only to come up with this reply - “Sort of.” Why does this happen? We always do our best to be positive and not get encumbered by the hurdles that life throws at us from time to time. Yet, why do we reply with a frustrating and lethargic ‘blah’ feeling, mostly for no reason?  Why are some of us never contented with what’s in hand, and why do we cry over and grumble about what’s lacking?

It’s in fact easy to save oneself from this frustration and muster lots of motivation. Because, we have more control over your happiness than we think. Being realistic about hopes, dreams, and future is the most critical step towards being happy. On the other hand, the inability to be realistic is the key reason that fuels unhappiness in most people. Happiness is reality minus over expectations. It’s also about accepting the right perspectives and believes. Instead, we tailor the emotion of happiness based on over expectations, the attitude of the people we’ve met, and the experience we’ve had over the years. We stubbornly cling on to them and never give up. Everyone is guilty of making this mistake, I too am no different.

Happiness is a choice, and it’s totally up to us. We’re in charge of how we respond to people and situations. When looked at in the right way, most people or circumstances are all neutral in life. But we fine-tune ourselves to categorize and label them based on our beliefs, perspectives, and expectations. This is where we go wrong. We can choose to be realistic and optimistic or miserable and negative. Choice conditions mind, thoughts, and beliefs. It in turn affects the way we look at people, situations, and circumstances in life.

That said; do complex situation influence our happiness? Of course, they might, but fleetingly. Hence, never label them as negative and exasperating.  Instead, take a step back and spin them into your advantage. This can also help nurture empathy and compassion by attaining the realization that views and reactions of people around are solely based on their restricted beliefs, thoughts, and circumstances. In short, this simple lesson will help avoid getting upset in life or offending anyone.  Because happiness is all about making the right choices; and it is inversely propositional to expectations.

It’s a pointless effort

Do we all have a trait in common? In fact, we have many, but here is a unique one that none among us can willfully deny.  If you’re scratching your head wondering what on earth it could be, let me answer for you. It’s our innate urge to jump in and prove ourselves right. No matter what a conversation is about, and how it progresses, almost all of us are guilty of spending substantial amount of time and effort to prove a point about something or someone. Here is my question to all those who try hard to prove their point? What do you gain in return? The harder you try to prove, the more time and energy you spend, the more stubborn both you and the partaker become. You can never prove yourself right with prolonged arguments. It does nothing other than draining out your invaluable time and effort. Neither do you succeed nor does the partaker agree to what you are trying to prove. Simply put, no matter how hard you try, you can never prove your point to a person who holds a dynamically different opinion and is stubborn beyond belief. 

You might wonder how to heal your depressed mind when someone is vehement about proving you wrong. The only solution is to ignore and move on. What’s right for you may not be right for me. Your perspectives, beliefs, and opinions belong to you and needn’t be what others might feel about a similar situation. In other words, you needn’t lose sleep over doing things what’s right for the world, despite knowing that it can be wrong for you. You needn’t fret or freak out if you truly believe that what you chose, said, or did is right for your life. Don’t fall into traps set by opinionated minds. You will only do harm to your body and mind by mounting more and more tensions, anger, and hard feelings.  As long as you’re aware that your opinion, belief, idea, or value is what you need in life, stop thinking about what the world has to say. Listening to it will only wear you down and escalate your anger. You might end up taking foolish decisions or doing mindless actions that you will regret or feel bad about when you look back later in life. 

In short, refrain from proving yourself and instead be confident about what you do, speak, think, and believe in. You can never force others to believe or agree with you, no matter how hard you try.  Let me end the post with the reason why I penned this down. An ex-boss once told me that my works lack quality. Like anyone else out there, I too am fallible in my own way and was annoyed and heartbroken. I had literally worked my butt off to complete all the projects before the slated deadlines. While clients appreciated all the works, my ex-boss always made me feel as if I wasn't competent enough. But I held back my sadness and resentment because I knew he was wrong. And the best way to disarm such negative people is to ignore them. So I moved on with my life, rather than waiting to prove him wrong.