Awkwardly candid

A face-to-face conversation is the best way to know a candidate before a decision is made. It helps hiring managers find candidates who excel and stand out, while weeding out the unfit. While it’s justifiable to get a little candid, friendly, and informal to put the candidate at ease, it’s absolutely necessary to draw a borderline and weigh the words carefully. A thoughtless word or the slightest wrong impression will drive a potential candidate away in no time.  Now let me divulge the actual reason behind this rather ambiguous introduction.

With my hopes set high, I attended a job interview last week, but was taken aback when told that “work matters” are mostly discussed outside of normal work hours. Yes, most of us are forced to work crazy hours to pay the bills. But being adamant and insisting obstinately on odd timings at the very first phase of an interview is rudeness and harassment. Soon came the next startling precondition - Upon selected for the position, I will have to relocate to a “suitable” place where I am free to reach late in the night, as late as 12 or 1 AM on most days. That conveyed a very alarming message. More intimidation followed when I was told that employees who ask about work timings will be fired without any reason or notice. Everyone else is staying late, does that mean I should too?  I don't mind going that extra mile and doing those extra works when situations demand. But, why should it be made a day-to-day requisite, despite the fact that commuting alone from an office located at the fag-end of a narrow lane in a hidden corner of the city is far from easy and highly unsafe?



Escalating my scare further, the interviewer narrated how the leading executive of a top agency sleazily told subordinates that it’s absolutely normal to sleep one’s way up the ladder, while reiterating that it will never happen in the firm I visited.  My heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach. The last straw was the inelegant confession that all the employees are free to go beyond protocols and get drunk at official events and parties.

While the rest of the conversation was very engaging and informative, these awkwardly blunt statements left me completely uncomfortable, stressed, and perplexed. I felt uneasy and petrified. Though I am really in need of job, this discomfiting interview session has left me on the fence as to whether I go ahead or go back.

Being cheeky or loudmouthed is acceptable when you are amid friends or family members. But it’s improper and unprofessional while conversing with a candidate. It’s obnoxious and absolutely intrusive. I am well aware that job seekers must be prepared to face that odd ball or strange question that might come into during an interview. However, these seemingly harmless comments are still disturbing me and leaving dents on my hopes. Chances are that the comments could have been random and innocuous. But isn’t that odd to hear them from a stranger? Or, am I thinking too much about the whole incident?

Are you happy?

“Are you happy?,” the question is simple and straightforward, but hardly anyone answers it with a simple and confident “Yes”. Instead they think through a list of what’s happening now, what looms ahead, and what their expectations are, dissecting everything in detail, only to come up with this reply - “Sort of.” Why does this happen? We always do our best to be positive and not get encumbered by the hurdles that life throws at us from time to time. Yet, why do we reply with a frustrating and lethargic ‘blah’ feeling, mostly for no reason?  Why are some of us never contented with what’s in hand, and why do we cry over and grumble about what’s lacking?

It’s in fact easy to save oneself from this frustration and muster lots of motivation. Because, we have more control over your happiness than we think. Being realistic about hopes, dreams, and future is the most critical step towards being happy. On the other hand, the inability to be realistic is the key reason that fuels unhappiness in most people. Happiness is reality minus over expectations. It’s also about accepting the right perspectives and believes. Instead, we tailor the emotion of happiness based on over expectations, the attitude of the people we’ve met, and the experience we’ve had over the years. We stubbornly cling on to them and never give up. Everyone is guilty of making this mistake, I too am no different.

Happiness is a choice, and it’s totally up to us. We’re in charge of how we respond to people and situations. When looked at in the right way, most people or circumstances are all neutral in life. But we fine-tune ourselves to categorize and label them based on our beliefs, perspectives, and expectations. This is where we go wrong. We can choose to be realistic and optimistic or miserable and negative. Choice conditions mind, thoughts, and beliefs. It in turn affects the way we look at people, situations, and circumstances in life.

That said; do complex situation influence our happiness? Of course, they might, but fleetingly. Hence, never label them as negative and exasperating.  Instead, take a step back and spin them into your advantage. This can also help nurture empathy and compassion by attaining the realization that views and reactions of people around are solely based on their restricted beliefs, thoughts, and circumstances. In short, this simple lesson will help avoid getting upset in life or offending anyone.  Because happiness is all about making the right choices; and it is inversely propositional to expectations.