You took the wrong job - Now what?

You take a new job with high hopes, wanting to be in a place that helps learn, thrive, and make significant contributions. What if it doesn’t turn out the way you plan, and the new job enthusiasm wears off in the blink of an eye? It can be difficult to admit and at times it’s down to embarrassment – but there are certain tell-tale signs that should not be passed off as day-to-day grievances or underplayed as part of the new working life. They will either hit you right away, or the realization dawns on you at a gradual pace. No matter how it folds, the disappointment and the sinking feeling that follows are hard to deal with.  Irrespective of trying hard to focus on the positives of the new role, exploring whether it is salvageable, the downsides may loom large most of the times, no matter how hard you try to zero in on the advantages. Should you quit right away, or wait for things to turn around? No - don't make a hasty decision. Give yourself time to think. Resolve to sail through the first quarter with an open mind. If you’re still waffling and are unsure, you can always un-make your choices any day, because, your happiness is your greatest priority. If you decide to stick around, here is what you can do to keep yourself upbeat:

Identifying the reason behind the frustration is far from easy, but once you are aware of the reason, it is easy to find potential solutions that help make situations better. Conscious efforts to improve the experience is the best way to take control of any dilemmatic circumstance. Always keep your mind open and take every day as it comes.  You are in for a change and a learning experience, and both are far from easy.

Once you identify what bothers you, convey it to your manager and raise your concerns to get the helping hand that can pull you out of the frustration you are battling with.  Your manager will recommend some concrete steps on how to improve the situation and make it better.  Implement them without fail and see how things turn out without prejudging the outcome.

The worst-case scenario – You do all that it takes to make a new job work and express your concerns, yet things on the ground never improve. If that’s where you are currently, it’s time to move on.  When you fire up a job search now, you are aware that you did all that you could to make it work. It’s important to leave on a good note, but here is a word of caution – Never let your eagerness to leave your current job to push you into a role that proves to be an equally bad fit.

Not everyone will like you

In an ideal world, everyone will like everyone. But that's not the world we live in.  Some people will find reasons to dislike you, no matter what you do or how good you are.  Even if you change everything about you, they still won’t like you. In other words, being disliked is something that none of us can avoid. Or, it's normal to be occasionally disliked, especially at workplace.  A few years ago, I was reporting to a manager who hated me for reasons best known to her. She used to talk negatively about me to my team members and taunt me with malicious jibes. Incessant barrage of negative comments and scoffs coloured every interaction we had, and the experience of working with her was anything but easy and smooth. I was forced to constantly defend myself, give multiple clarifications on every decision, and deal with the endless volley of negativity and derision. To my knowledge, I hadn’t done anything to upset or disrespect her. Yet, she had made it her personal mission to make the workplace as toxic as possible.  I moved on after eight years, but, here is what I learned from the bumpy professional relationship with my former manager:

Never react defensively, shut yourself down emotionally, or get stressed about an awful colleague or manager. It is their burden and not yours. Acknowledging it is the best way to remain resilient. That said; honest and unbiased feedback from a reliable friend or colleague will unfold the opportunities to fine-tune your decisions and actions. It can help mend a few of those shaky relationships that have almost hit the rocks.

No matter professional or personal, no relationship will stick to a pre-set script. Hence, you have made a conscious effort to maintain a fine balance between your need to be liked and a firm understanding of what is true about each situation and relationship. If you refrain from doing things that could be insensitive and offensive or willingly step on others to get ahead, dislikes or negativity can never set any major roadblocks on your way.

Even if you never rub people in the wrong way, learn to accept that not everyone will like you – and that’s normal. Your motto in life is not to become a people-pleaser and try to convince the world to like you.  While courtesy is indispensable, make sure to be true to yourself and others. Imperfection is just a human nature and accepting is what makes us happy and contented.

Does that mean you should never engage with people who dislike you? Absolutely not!  No matter how strong the urge is, never cut ties with them. Instead, keep your interactions normal but transform every negative conversation into a positive one with your intellect and wit. Does that sound like a tedious and energy draining process? Believe it or not, it is not as difficult as it sounds. If you are resolute in your decision to shake off negativity and surround yourself with positive vibes alone, the mission is never hard and laborious.

If a person doesn’t like you back, count on the number of things you like about yourself. That’s the best way get up and keep going after getting stumbled over by a rejection because you just cannot have any influence over the feelings of others. So, why are you allowing them to influence you?

A colleague or a manager who dislikes you will undoubtedly test your patience multiple times or force you to brainstorm on all the possible reasons to not work with that individual.  How will you overcome this dilemma? The answer is simple – Just shake off all the previous experiences and hit reset whenever you start working with that person. This is the best way to avoid letting those negative experiences eat into your enthusiasm and confidence. If they take a dig at you, show some restraint and don’t give in.  When a person dislikes you, a sudden impulse incites you to prove your worth. But, if you doubt your worth, you are letting that person get the power to determine your worth for you.

There are many upsides to being disliked. One among them is the opportunity to invest your time and energy with those who genuinely like you.  If you remain unaffected by the barrage of dislikes and negativity around, nothing can stop you from reaching your goals and dreams. You are so much more than a small group of people who dislike you, and you do not exist to make everyone happy.