Love without expectations

I met someone.

We had feelings for each other.

As the feelings got stronger, we got into a relationship.

The relationship turned into love and got immensely serious.

We loved each other like dew’s love for parched leaves.

Until…

Expectations uprooted whatever we had between us.

And we parted ways to never meet again.

Have you been there, done that, and wished you hadn't? If so, you and I made the same mistake - We believed that love is a two-way street. We always carried the misguided belief that it is ok to have expectations in love. That’s exactly where we were wrong. 

So, together let’s correct that mistake. Before we go any further, let me ask you this simple question - Is love a one-way street/a two-way street? If you are wondering why I asked the question, here is the answer – Now, I think love is/should be a one-way street. 

Let me explain why. When you start expecting reciprocity, or has a slew of expectations, you will always expect the other person to live up to them. And at some point, if that person lets you down or leaves you, your world comes crashing down on you. That's exactly how you will feel until you muster the strength and positivity to move on. Trust me, I’ve been there, and that is the worst feeling ever. In every love story that turns cold over time, the culprit is almost always the expectations that partners have of each other.  You start knowing you partner, get intimate, and walk hand in hand along the path towards fulfilling love; yes, expectations can obviously happen. When those expectations aren’t met, you get heartbroken. 

Expectations make you feel entrapped, and pain becomes the new normal, because you always expect your partner to say/do certain things, but he/she may fail at times. What if you deliberately avoid keeping any expectations? Unlike the common perception, selflessness and living without expectations is not a tightrope walk where there is always the risk of slipping or falling. It’s all about having the will and confidence to love with the strong belief that you have nothing to lose when you love someone without expecting anything in return.  If you can do that, you will stop ruminating on reciprocity. You will be more mindful and will learn to live in the moment. 

They say love happens when two people feel the same way. For me, love can happen even if the feeling is one-sided. Here is the caveat – Do not expect anything return, be it love or friendship. You love someone because you want to, and that’s a conscious choice you make. Despite all the flaws, you love him/her every single day, because you want to. However, the problem arises when you are hell-bent on wanting the same amount of love in return, or you want to end up with the person you choose to love.  If the other person fails to reciprocate the same feelings, you will feel angry and betrayed. 

The question here is, who is the reason behind the pain and agony? It’s you. Let’s look at it objectively. You entered the relationship with a long checklist. Without knowing what your partner’s feelings are, you kept yearning for his/her time, affection, comfort, support, and undivided attention. In other words, you entered the relationship with a clear agenda in mind.

Does that mean wanting all of these is bad, or wanting to be loved, is wrong. I am not saying it is wrong, in fact, the desire to be loved is quite natural. However, when it becomes contractual, and when both partners have a slew of agendas, things can become very problematic. You end up bargaining, and you end up losing each other. 

Does that mean one should fail to draw boundaries, settle for being used and unloved, and let the other person take all intimate benefits? No, absolutely not! While you try to establish a special and selfless relationship that is free from selfishness and possessiveness of any sort, protect yourself from being exploited. Make sure that your relationship is healthy and is built on mutual respect. This will help protect yourself from pain and loss of self-esteem and sanity. 

When it comes to figuring out if someone is using you, or is emotionally manipulative, here is my advice - always trust your instincts, because those are messages that come straightaway from your soul.  If you do not want to be near that person, do not dwell too much on it, instead cut them out of your life completely. However, that should not rob you of the ability to love without any expectations. Less expectations =  less disappointments and more peace of mind.

Do not expect a relationship to happen; if it works out, perfect, if not, move on! After all, we only have one life to live. There is no pause or rewind button.

The dangers of keyword stuffing

When it comes to writing content and optimizing it for both search engines and visitors, it is always tempting to take shortcuts. You may want to publish content and get the best ranking overnight and will think about speeding up content writing and optimization by bypassing Google’s guidelines. Will that help you? Absolutely not! This is the most important lesson that I learned when I started working as a content writer in 2008. Among the (in)famous black-hat methods that are popularly used by writers and self-proclaimed SEO experts out there, keyword stuffing is what hurts the most.  Let me explain what keyword stuffing is. Some writers believe that shoving most searched keywords onto a webpage is the easiest way to rank higher for those terms in search engine results. This is strictly a black hat tactic and leads to the utmost terrible user experience. Let’s think logically about this – Who will read a webpage where the writer has used “affordable web design” or “best seo agency” multiple times on the same page? 

Imagine getting crammed inside a minivan. How will that feel like? That’s exactly how I feel when I read keyword-stuffed content. Keyword stuffing not only affects user experience, it may knock off a website from search engine rankings, or worse, the site will soon be removed from search results completely. It would also lead to search engine penalty. In short, keyword stuffing a very dangerous game, and I wonder why many writers continue to rely on this misguided logic when it comes to writing and optimizing content for search engines. Today, I was reading the blog about coworking spaces and why they are popular. All that I could notice in the content was barrage of so-called “searchable” keywords, right from top to bottom. There was hardly any useful information in the blog. I stopped midway through the blog, gave up, and left the website. However, all I could think about was the alarming rate at which their bounce rate would skyrocket each day. Do you know why? Search engine algorithms are designed to pick good quality content that connects with audience. Visitors should be able to find what exactly they are looking for. In other words, the algorithms pick only interesting, plagiarism-free, and informative content. If your content is not written for human audience, it completely goes against the best practices of writing and SEO. It will not get ranked for sure. To put it precisely, the content will be considered as spam and will not get the attention of visitors. When you create poor user experience and send visitors away, your bounce rate will increase, and the conversion rate will dip each day. This will leave a bad impact on your online presence. Even if a writer manages to garner good search engine ranking with keyword stuffing, will a visitor read the content or stay on the site? No! The content will repel people almost immediately. 

There are two ways of keyword stuffing: natural and unnatural. The former is the unnatural way of repeating keyword several times out of context. The latter is a little trickier. Some writers know very well that they should not hinder user experience. Hence, they camouflage spammy text stuffed with keywords. But they cannot hide spammy content from search engine crawlers. This attempt to fool search engine algorithms will only result in penalty. Here is what I am not able to understand - Why go that extra mile and deceive search engines when you can use that time wisely to write good content? So, here is the most pertinent question. Does that mean the use of keywords is bad? No! Keywords are important, but writers should focus on creating information-rich content and use keywords appropriately. Topic, information, and context are equally important when it comes to the selection and usage of keywords.  Instead of focusing on search engine robots, writers should focus on the people who read the content. They visit webpages and invest their time to find informative content. Hence writers should use keywords responsibly and in the utmost well-to-do manner. I don’t believe in the magic number or percentage of keywords that can be used on each webpage. It’s all about using your logic and thinking from a reader’s point of view. I think long-tail keywords are better than short keywords. An alternative is to try and use appropriate synonyms without overdoing. Most importantly, you don’t have to use any shortcuts, or be a grammar Nazi or expert in keywords, to write interesting and informative content.  All it takes is comprehensive research and a clear understanding of what you are planning to write. Once you are ready, you will soon reach the zone to write, and words will start flowing very soon. 

For me, keywords are like salt – adequate quantity will bring out the best, whereas too much will soon ruin everything.