My pandemic diary

I think 2020 will go down the history as the worst year we have ever had. The challenges at work, the fear of economic recession, and the staggering rise in unemployment left far-reaching physical and mental health consequences that are not easy to undo. In other words, it is not easy to navigate the tumult that COVID-19 has brought upon us. In addition to the enormous loss of human lives, job losses continue to rise at a staggering rate every day.

More than a year has passed since WHO declared the COVID-19 pandemic. It has upended our lives and careers like never before. We abruptly shifted to working from home and lived through several lockdowns. Face-to-face interactions and social gatherings are a thing of the past now, and staying at home and working from home is the new normal. The ongoing restrictions and devastating socio-economic impacts have left most of us feeling stressed and worried about our future, and I am no exception.  With another lockdown on the horizon, I cannot help but think about how I will work, live, and thrive until the surge abates or until vaccines are available equitably around the world.

The pandemic has rocked and halted my regular life like never before. It is still challenging me in unpredictable ways every day. I don't know when my life will get back to the pre-virus normal. Or, will the old normal ever appear again? I don't know. 

The pandemic is a severe assault on both my mental health. The feeling of loneliness struck hard every day throughout 2020, especially during festive seasons and on my birthday. I was hoping that 2021 will be a better year. But the second wave of COVID-19 has taken my anxiety and loneliness to the next level. I know that everyone goes through tough times when disconnected. I think it is normal to feel lonely while staying indoors and interacting less with people, but for me, loneliness worsens the underlying anxiety and panic. 

I was ashamed and embarrassed to open up and talk about the pernicious side effect of the pandemics until now. I feared that a candid conversation might uncover a vulnerability on my part. However, since my mental health and well-being is as important as my physical health, I have decided to jot down my fears and thoughts here. Once I pour out my fears and worries,  I want to embrace and live a healthy lifestyle and stay clear in my head.

On weekdays or weekends, staying up late and waking up late is the new normal in my life since March 2020. My eating habits have gone for a toss, and the prolonged pandemic restrictions and a sedentary lifestyle have made me a couch potato. Adding to the woes is my latest indulgence - munching on unhealthy snacks while at work or whenever I am hungry. And the temptation to stress eat is undoubtedly enormous these days. To get started, I have to painstakingly combat all these bad habits before they wreak havoc on my health, productivity, and immunity.

The good news is that with adequate attention and practice, I can successfully undo any less-than-stellar habits of mine, and I have succeeded more than once in the past.  But I haven't been successful yet when it comes to keeping a check on my news consumption. 

I love to stay on top of news and trends and enjoy devouring breaking news and updates every other minute. But it's high time to try hard and draw the line while staying informed and alert. With one distressing news report leading to another, I often get lost on the internet for hours together. The information overload gets quite overwhelming on most of the days and often gives fatigue and anxiety. I know that I cannot stay away from news portals and social media for a very long time. It is not a viable solution. I will have to slow down, limit my presence, and take one step at a time. 

During the initial lockdown, the prolonged lack of human interactions made me a compulsive social media user for some time until I started witnessing a startling overflow of anxiety-inducing misinformation. Then I decided to take frequent breaks from social media instead of constantly letting myself go down the rabbit hole of social media addiction. I found the much-needed diversion in reading, music, and blog writing. Pandemic or not, I always find solace in good books and blogging. They help reduce negative mental chatter significantly so that I can stay calm, focused, and motivated. 

The inundation of the COVID-19 infodemic on social media and chat apps and its negative implications have reinforced the need to have an optimal balance between my digital and non-digital life. Social media can sometimes be a double-edged sword. Forget Facebook and Twitter; the rate at which dubious and false information about the pandemic is spreading on WhatsApp is very alarming. Like the COVID-19 virus, misinformation spreading like wildfire on WhatsApp, and we must stem the tide before it is too late. But trust me, life without WhatsApp is very much possible, way more peaceful, and entirely possible. I live it every single day and love it to the fullest.

To get through the  COVID-19 upheaval without any lasting physical, mental, and emotional damage, I want to live healthily and keep my positive attitude, energy, and hope alive. Yes, sometimes it's hard to sail through certain days, but I am trying to take one day at a time and focus on the positives in my life. That's the only way I can march forward with good health, determination, hope.

Why I don’t vote

I live in a democratic country. But unlike many of my fellow citizens, I don't vote. I always skip the elections. It is neither out of laziness or apathy nor to be proud of a unique decision. Distrust and disillusionment top the list of reasons why I haven't voted so far (and probably will never). 

For starters, politicians are experts in inaction and breaking their promises once elected. And it is not just about broken promises. Almost one-third of the elected candidates in our country have criminal charges against them. Also, corruption is rampant, growing at an alarming pace, and is largely unchecked. I am tired of hearing blatant lies and hollow promises.  Frustration mounts like a wave every time I hear about complacency and lack of transparency. A wave of sadness chokes me every time I hear about increasing crimes and decreasing conviction rates. 

Politicians are shamelessly insincere about their campaign pledges. They promise the world during campaigns, but as we know, they never fulfil the promises. If I cannot trust them to keep their promises, why should I vote? In other words, politics has now become “politricks”, and I do not want to trick my soul. According to the law of the land, commoners like you and me must be responsible for our decisions and accountable for our actions. But, when a citizen becomes a politician, this rule often goes out of the window.

Do you know the reason why our politicians get away with inaction and unfulfilled promises? There are no checks and balances to assess their works during or after their tenure. Thus, broken promises and voters’ discontent have become so common these days that we have almost forgotten what it feels like when an elected politician keeps promises. Most of the politicians live for themselves. They live under the umbrella of selflessness and are always hungry for power and privileges. This is why many people in our country do not feel represented by the candidates they elect. I am no different, but I will not spend my time looking for the "lesser evil".

I am eligible to vote, but I decided not to when I was eighteen. For me, the election is just a once-in-five years exercise. I stay home during the day of voting and live my life, and I have no plans to change my decision. From good roads to streetlights, traffic signals, drinking water, and the safety of women and children, none of the necessities is provided equally to the citizens across the country. For me, voting is an act of hope. If people still die of hunger, worms wriggle in our drinking water, fatal accidents happen due to potholes, and babies as young as 28 days get raped, why should I spend my time electing a selfish bunch of power mongers?

Now, the question is more pertinent than ever. We are battling an unprecedented crisis, and the explosion of COVID-19 cases is taking a toll on everyone, including our frontline warriors. Despite receiving warning signs of the new wave and the new variants, our elected representatives failed to take adequate steps to mitigate the spread and the second wave. Religious gatherings and elections aggravated the surge, and the complacency is costing us heavily now. 

Most of the politicians took to social media and urged people to vote even amid the pandemic. Voters thronged to polling sites and created breeding grounds for the virus. Due to the mass flouting of COVID norms during elections, COVID is now ravaging our country harder than ever.  People are gasping for breath and battling for life, and hospitals do not have adequate beds and medical oxygen supply. But our politicians are focusing more on blame games instead of helping the people out there. 

Yes, I cannot understand why I should do my civic duties in a country where the elected representatives fail to provide even hospital beds, medicines, and medical oxygen. If they do not have an iota of concern about us and our well-being, why should I spend an hour in front of the polling booth to do my civic duty? My life and time are as precious as those of the politicians out there.

As far as I know, there are no legal remedies to pursue if a politician breaks a promise or fails to perform the fundamental duties. Lack of legal obligation is the main reason why errant, selfish, and irresponsible politicians get away with unfulfilled promises, wrongdoings, and inaction. Forget legal remedies; the crisis of accountability is rampant among politicians. Furthermore, voluntary resignation admitting responsibility of failure to discharge duties as an elected representative is unheard of in our country. Is there anything left for a voter to expect?

Let me tell you about a one-on-one interaction with a municipal election candidate. This incident happened several years ago, but it continues to remain etched in my mind. The candidate was at my doorstep, in deep conversation with my dad. When he saw me standing near the door, he told me that I should take a day off and cast my vote for him. My reply was simple – I asked him if he can ensure good streetlights, round the clock safety and proper waste disposal. His reply was a sarcastic smile that spoke a thousand words that echoed his lack of interest in my request. He walked away, and I stood there reaffirming my decision not to vote.