I want to explore the world outside my comfort zone

Having a comfort zone in life, professional or personal, would be like sailing smoothly on a calm ocean, where you hardly come across a hindrance to block the easiness that you continue to enjoy. On a professional front, I am surrounded on the four sides by the mount of unobstructed and comparatively less stressful milieu, but off-late, a strange feeling of boredom and exasperation has started growing deep down my heart, for reasons that I am yet to excavate. But I believe that the reason behind this indefinable aloofness is my constant fear of getting outdated and unnoticed, especially when the entire world around me is fast-paced, increasingly competitive, and optimistically cautions, accelerating towards more and more professional triumphs each day.

Hence, differing from the conventional choice of gluing myself on to the comfort zone, I’ve started longing for a shift, a change to uproot me from my comfy work zone, and put me in to an unaccustomed ambiance with unfamiliar people around, for me to grow further. After having a long yet not-so-bumpy ride that helped me carve a niche for myself as a copywriter, I’ve lived both the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows in professional life. The alternate ebb and flow of workplace juggles have unveiled several morale-boosting as well as shattering revelations, along with pouring several knowledgeable, happier, and harrowing moments intermittently.

This revelation was intensely reinforced off-late, when I began suffering some discomforting workplace difficulties that fine-tuned my mind to broaden the perimeter of my courage zone, and look for worth taking risks that can fuel my ride to engaging in more accomplishments and achieving more accolades in life. Throughout the past 6 years I’ve worked all my way up in an uneasy male-dominated workplace that honed my mind to shed down the flagellations of naivety, and to rise up to the challenges that were thrown before me, thus pushing my boundaries wider. In the beginning, I was always bound by the fear of impending risks that I should tackle on exposing myself to newer situations. But I have managed to step beyond my then comfort zone; expanding my confidence, trying out newer things, speaking up for what I felt was right acting confidently and courageously, and taking up the needed risks. I’ve managed to strive even through the most difficult times, triumphing unquestionably.

With no armor to protect me from possible setbacks and criticisms, I had to encounter numerous moments of fearful disagreements, backlashes, and humiliations that constantly aroused my fear of losing the battle I had willingly chosen to fight. After several years of relentless struggle, I managed to overcome my agonies and succeeded in setting for myself a comfortable zone surrounded by easiness on all the four sides.

But while I carry the strong urge to keep pace with the fast-paced world around, and move ahead in my work-life, I have to confess that deep down I also have a fair share of fears that prevent me from getting out of my comfort zone. With a whole bunch of responsibilities that keep holding me back, the bitterness of indecision and insecurity keep thwarting my plans to rise-up and embrace some of those ‘must-needed’ risks that are essential to move-on. I am not new to the discomforts of new ambiances, but what scares me is the profoundness of a looming uncertainty that awaits me in a new setting.

I fear I no more carry that intense zeal and vigor, the reason why I am finding it hard to open the doors once again and readily let me face the riskiness of experimenting a prospective platform that promises yet another journey of professional adventure. Or am I letting the fear of losing resurrect once again, to tighten its firm grip on my mind and soul? I am well aware that a corporate career offers little security for playing safe. I keep reminding me of the words of John. F. Kennedy, who once said: “Nothing worthwhile has ever been accomplished with a guarantee of success.” But my fear of failure has increased manifolds, the reason why I keep driving myself away from newer challenges in professional life. Or perhaps I’ve started looking at me and my capability through the mistakes setbacks that I’ve encountered in the past. However, what I need now is the willingness to give up on the familiarity of the comfy zone, so as to tightly hold on to the discomfort from outside your comfort zone, which can be increasingly crucial to a must needed change in my professional life. Given a prospective chance, I want to give up on this security of the known and the comfortable, to take up bigger and challengeable professional roles, and win over my fears.

When the bully is at home

Healthy self-esteem is something that has to come from within, the reason why I keep mocking at the tailored confidence boosting courses that are being held in the city lately. The unwavering promise to induce undying confidence in someone would be the height of exaggeration that one can hear, especially when the person in need is diffidence personified. Diffidence and timidity are mostly the outcomes of real-life experiences that leave cold fears of unconfidence and shyness. Being a living example of one such daunting experience, I am well aware of the lasting impacts of embarrassments that such incidents leave in our minds. Back in the village where I stayed during my childhood, with a whole bunch of immediate and extended family members, I had this snooty aunt of mine, who had a bunch of humiliating adjectives to define me. The exasperating teases and distressing comments on my dusky skin, my broad forehead, my belly, and my legs were not only mortifying, but brought me down to tears several times. I was told that my forehead protruded like a Cro-Magnon man, my teeth protruded like fangs, and my legs were skinny and bony like a starved Somalian. I was told that I was terribly ugly, and this filled in and settled down in to psychic space indefinitely. Though her comments where often shrugged off by everyone as casual jokes, but they were not as benign as how others thought about them.

For child of less than ten years, the demeaning and hurting teases were like thorns that stuck and pierced through her little soul and left it bleeding every day. Flawed by the kiddish naivety of mine, I never had anything to say in return to my aunt’s scorns and mocks, and always ended up teary eyed, cursing myself for having born ‘ugly’ looking. The day-today ridicules slowly started working their ways to batter, bruise, and cripple my personality, and I was forced to watch how I groomed myself to a shy, introvert, and diffident woman who leaved no stones unturned to save herself from the visibility of the world, especially in public places. I hated being photographed, desperately found excuses to skip family functions, and freakishly looked for everything that can lessen the melanin under my skin. Well, as the saying goes, “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”, and I was no different until lately.

Though I left the village and moved to the nearest town within a few years, my defaced second-self was glued to me, and forced me to remained aloof from everyone for years together as I had this strong notion etched in my soul that I was not good looking. Being bullied by a family member can be more than devastating, even when the bullying stops. Although several years had passed, the lasting effects of my aunt’s bully and torment left severe self-esteem issues in me. While some of them were so blatant and direct, the others were quite subtle, leaving severe long-term damages. I turned away bright dresses and glossy accessories, as I feared they would accentuate my ugliness. Instead, I draped myself in dull colours and little adornments, and believed they wold help me disappear in the crowd, so that no one like my aunt would take notice and pass more comments. School and college days flew by and I remained hidden in the drape of loneliness and dullness, sacrificing all the fun for saving myself from the vicinity of the world. Though I regret that decision now, while looking back, that alter-ego of mine, whom I forcefully bid good bye to, always raised my fears and insecurities that left me with the lowest self-esteem.

Being constantly belittled about something leads to a very harming self-doubt, and it gets worst when one is belittled for things that she can’t possibly change, like skin color and physical attribute. I was always made to believe that I was less of a person due to my appearance, and those hurting thoughts keep resurrecting intermittently many times even now, particularly when I get to see rejections on the matrimony page that my parents have put-up for me. My aunt wrecked a terrible havoc on my entire self, and left me with a crippled self-esteem. Although I worked for long rebuilt my spirit, I still believe that I have long way to go, yet can confidently say this now – Unlike the my aunt’s comments, I am beautiful in my own way!