How to deal with negative people

If one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch,  the havoc that a Negative Nancy or a Negative Nigel can create is profound. Toxic people are everywhere, and most of us know at least one or two in the form of a nagging friend, a cynical boss, or a pessimistic companion. They are good at dusting you with the poison of negativity, right from head to toe.   Most of the times, we unknown-willingly let them win over our thoughts, actions, and feelings. They intrude in an unwelcomed manner, the reason why negative people are not entirely unavoidable. You cannot change their words or deeds but can tweak your response to avoid or pare down the devastating impact.

Here is how you can retain your power and win over the detrimental effects of negative people around you:

Keep tabs on your time

The notoriously pessimistic people will leave no stones unturned to monopolise your time, even when they are away from you.  Never let them steal your time, energy and happiness. Always strike a positive conversation or limit the time you spend talking, thinking, or worrying about them and their unpleasant conversation.  It helps invest the least amount of time on negative people.

The right attitude matters

The longer the time spent with negative people, the quicker you spoil your mood. Their pessimism and eternal gloominess will drain out your motivation and change your perspectives about people and things. A conscious step to choose the right attitude will prevent negative people from dictating your thoughts and emotions.

Redirect your thoughts

Negative people are awfully distracting and often monopolise your thoughts and actions all day long. Stop fearing, worrying, and dissecting their thoughts and actions. Instead, take a  deliberate effort to increase the effort and energy to uphold  positive thoughts.

Productive steps and actions

Take control over the she-makes-me-so-mad thoughts, because it’s tempting to indulge in blame games and rob you of the power to control your thoughts and feeling. Take accountability and respond judiciously. Avoid being a victim of circumstances and remain true to your optimistic thinking.

Have positive people around

They keep you balanced and brighten your spirit, even if negative minds rub off on you all the time.

It’s easy to take back your power and not let negative people in everyday life bring you down.

Don't ask, don't tell

“What was your last salary?” – Answering this intrusive question is no less than a tightrope walk. It is intimidating and badgering to say the least.  There are several cities and states across the world where questions on earning history are either banned or set to be banned any time soon. It should be enforced across the world. The reason is simple and clear: Judging a candidate’s worth based on earning history will create discrimination and perpetuate pay disparities. Here is the dilemma that the question stirs up - Dodging it could be the kiss of death whereas sharing the actual salary will erode the earning potential, especially if you are currently underpaid. It gives employers an upper hand in salary negotiations.  

Why do they insist?

I’ve been job hunting for a while, and many hiring managers have tried to judge my capabilities based on my earning history.  It's disappointing and frustrating. No law requires me to disclose my salary history to a prospective employer.  But I’ve been compelled to divulge it over and over again, forcing myself to get stuck in a corner from where I cannot negotiate my way out. They leave no room for a polite refusal. Once I disclose how much I’ve been paid in the past, the pay package offers I receive will mostly be far from reasonable or almost the same as that of my previous paycheck. 

Salary history is a private and confidential data. It is rude and inappropriate to compel candidates to disclose their salary history. Divulging the salary history will only harm your chances of getting a fair compensation. Once recruiters know what you’ve earned in the previous positions, they will low-ball their offers in no uncertain terms. I’ve been there before and have received less-rewarding offers multiple times. The disappointment grows manifold if you were underpaid in your previous job and was denied a reasonable incentive citing downsizing, budget cut, and so on.  What if you are comfortable taking a step down in compensation for your next job? Most employers will shy away fearing you might jump-ship on receiving a prospective offer.

How to reply

Use of diplomacy is the right way to deal with a compensation trap.  Stand up for yourself and give a polite reply. The question is, how to reply politely without spoiling your chance of getting a job?  Here is how I reply without sounding defensive or shady: "I keep that information confidential, but the salary range I am looking for is…"

Extensive research is crucial to put your salary requirements out on the table. It helps back up your demand with your qualifications and experience. In other words, know your worth before stating your salary expectation.   If you’ve already shared the numbers,  a comprehensive research will help explain why you feel it was below the market standard for your position and experience.

Don't ask, don't tell

The much-needed demise of this cringe-inducing question will be highly applauded by candidates across the length and breadth of the country.