'No' is the smallest and shortest word in the English language, but the most difficult word to say. Often you say 'Yes' and give in to avoid conflicts, only to feel compelled and resentful later. Hence it is imperative to learn how to say 'No' without weighing down on your soul. Saying 'No' is far from easy. However, it is a skill that you can develop and refine over time. Stand by your word, and never think about going back on it. 'No' and guilt are two separate things that don’t have to go together.
There is a fine line between being nice and being a doormat. Don't say 'Yes' to everything that comes your way. That's people pleasing and codependency. Being a people-pleaser will never make you happy. Trying to fit in and not “upset others” will only deplete your time and energy. Instead, know your priorities and make yourself a priority before anyone else. Turning someone down doesn't make you unkind or rude. Instead, it indicates "that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life".
The following steps will help you get comfortable with saying 'No' when your plate is full:
Say it and keep it brief- Don't hem and haw and don't beat around the bush. Say 'No' and give a precise explanation if required. The less said, the less ambiguous, the better.
Acknowledge that you cannot do it all - There is no such thing as the superpower. You cannot do it all and nor can anyone else. Hence, chuck the 'guilt' out of the window and say 'No' when you know you need to.
Be assertive yet courteous - A polite yet explicit 'No' is the best way to take charge of the situation and not offend the requestor. Deny the request and not the requestor.
Leverage your problem-solving skills - Recommend an alternative that works best for you and the requestor. It protects your sanity without hurting the requestor's feelings.
Spot and stop manipulators - They're best known for exploiting the weakness of others. They will flatter and butter you up, or do small favours and then ask big ones in return. Spot them and stop them before you start feeling stressed and burnt out by giving in and pleasing every requestor.
Set boundaries and stick to them - Set boundaries and prevent "disease to please" other.
Prioritizing yourself is not selfishness - Have your priorities set right, stick to them, and politely refuse all tasks that can steer you away from what's important.
Know your worth - Never put others above yourself. Learn your value and curb the urge to seek approvals from others. Approval is like a killer drug. You get addictive soon and develop the need for more. It will stop you from saying 'No' when you want to.
A careful response - Don't jump the gun and regret the decision later. Weigh the pros and cons and arrive at a prudent decision. However, never keep anyone hanging for days or weeks.
Try it before you say it - Say 'No' to your impulsive needs. The more your willpower, the easier it is to say 'No' to others without feeling guilty.
Have a go-to-reason - A rehearsed reason is the best way to graciously deal with out-of-the-blue requests and not feel guilty, awkward or disingenuous.
Know when to say ‘Yes’ – Handpick the blind reach-outs that merit a second consideration. If the task aligns with your values and goals, it's worth a second inspection.
If you’re prone to over-committing and have revelled in saying yes, it's time to bid goodbye to the people-pleaser in you. People-pleasing is a selfish act. It indicates your insatiable need to look good before others and your innate fear of facing confrontation.
The late Steve Jobs once said, “Focus is about saying No." A firm 'No' indicates that you are strong enough to set the right boundaries, manage your time, and be the person of your word. What you spend your time on should be what matters to you the most.